Granted.

The sandwhich os made from a human hand, rotton lettuce, over salted tomatoes, cheese from hell's cow, and the turkey's a little dry.

I wish I had a hammer.

Wish granted. You had a hammer, but I stole it.

I wish sunlight did not cause me pain (stupid photophobia/sensitivity)

Granted.

You go out into the sunlit world. Your wallot is stolen, your car is scratched, your girlfriend dumps you, and the turkey is still a little dry.

I wish the turkey wasn't so dry.

(rats hate it when that happens)

Hmm, I don't carry a wallet, am single already, and don't particularly care about my car as it already looks kinda like a golf ball.

Hm, dry turkey isn't too bad, depending on the type.

It pays to be not completely human.

And for your wish...Ramalamadingdong! The turkey is liquified.

I wish I was fat.

Click! You are now so fat you can't move. And there is a really hot girl standing five feet away with a cake that you just can't reach! Additionally, you are significantly more flammable.

I wish I was Johnny Depp.

Boom! You are Johnathon Quincy Depp, a Janitor in a small country in Europe.

Which small country in Europe? Can it be Austria?

Now I wish I had cake. :disappoin darn you!

Mr T comes out of his 20 year depression stint and finally reallizes that every other super hero is gettin a movie but him.
He quicky travels in succesion to Toby Mcguire, Ben Afflack and Wesley Snipes Houses and beats life out of them. Hooks up with Jennifer Garner, and then demolishes the set of the Fantastic Four movie when he is denied a part. As a side note he also disintegrates Jack Black on the set of Green Lantern, just for good measure. He then travels to Stan Lees house where he demands a movie! Stan simply tells him to go away or his character will be henseforth written to be involved with Northstar. Mr T Shocked by this says "pity me I'm the fool" gives up and is never seen again.

I wish Jennifer Garner loved me and only me!

Granted.

A cake is thrown in your face. Everyone laughs at you. Your social life goes down the tubes and you grow up without any self confidence whatsoever. Your life is carp.

JACK BLACK IS TO PLAY GREEN LANTERN? He couldn't do it. I love the guy, but he's no Hal, Kyle, Alan, or Guy.

Wish is granted. Jenifer Garner loves and marries you. You inherit all her legal fees. You now owe mny people a total of 300 billion dollars and 24 cents.

I wish for a well done Ghost Rider movie about John Blaze and not that loser Dan Ketch.