Wish granted

they're all beating on the inside of their cofins.

I wish I was silver surfer

Wish granted

You are now 65 years old and trying to surf. You are held in varying degrees of contempt and respect by the younger surfers.
Then you break your hip trying to catch a curl.

I wish all the wonderful characters created for this thread had a death match we could place bets on
And I won. The bet. Not the fight. I don't want to brawl with Mr. Whiskers nor grapple with the obese nudist (even if they are my obedient servants (q.v. a previous wish of mine)
And by won, I mean thousands upon thousands of dollars. I will take them in current 2004 US currency (no confederate money). REAL money, not counterfeit.
THEN some really hot chick who is turned on by strange bets comes on to me. (I figure if I am going to be delusional may as well make it a good, satisfying one!)

Granted.

You win all our money. We are angry and beat you up. Sorry I couldn't be more creative.

I wish I could eat food in one bite and not choke and eat any kind of food this way and not get an insane-never satisfied appetite or any thing of that general nature.

I like to give you guys a challenge.

Wish granted

You can eat food in one bite, which is fortunate because for some reason all food now tastes more or less like rancid turnips now

####. Ok, you win. Wish away.

Forgot my wish...

I wish I knew what type of pizza to order

Granted.

You say it wrong. It has pepperoni, onions, jalepanio, and is delivered by Fred the Obese Nudist, who feels like a 2 hour conversation with you.

I wish I was better at golf.

Wish granted

You are better at golf by 0.002%

No one notices

I wish I was as strong as 2 dozen circus strongmen. And by strong I mean physical strength, not odour. And I was the same size as I am now, not suffering from steroids related berserk tendencies, not having to eat the equivalent of 3 bison a day. And while I am at it, I still have fine muscular control so I am not shredding books when I pick them up, crushing people in hugs and decapitating small children with a casual backhand (unless any or all of the above was my intention)
Can you tell I have worked with lawyers?)

wish granted

your now incredibly stupid, like dumber that a doormail stupid.

I wish for the samething bigsoph wish for but with a no stupid clause included.

Granted.

But you're now really friggen ungly, and have excessive smelly hair that releases pheremones that attracts Fred the Obese Nudist.

I wish I had a third ear.

Wish granted

The new ear is located just above your anus. All you can hear is yourself passing wind

I wish I knew why my hearing just wen tfunny and I could hear people 3 offices away but not the CD playing on my computer (it stopped but man, that was weird)

Granted.

You know why and it is because the dead are sending u a sign to cum to them and u die in horror

I wish I had all of the 04 HOFers.(haha)

EEEWWW!!

Wish granted

Since my first thought was what is a HOFer, you are granted all Heifers from 04 instead. Congratulations, you now have thousands of cattle in your dwelling. Which I am sure is not sufficient to hold that many. You are slowly crushed to death amidst the increasing pressure of more and more heifers and as each one expires, unparalleled bovine flatulence.

I wish I had Spongebob's optimism (please note: This does not mean I want to BE Spongebob. Nor a Sponge. Nor molested by fat nudists)

Wish Granted.

Now with SpongeBobs optomism you run out into a gang filled part of town asking gang members for hugs. They tell you to piss off, you laugh and they pop a cap in your A$$!

I wish I could be happy again :disappoin

Your wish is granted.


You are just a wee bit happier. But still miserable.


I wish for my case to come in tomarrow from Neotoys. Still.


Now Really Grant It!