Man my job is boring.

Anyway... when I made the offhand remark in my Martian Manhunter article that "Martian Manhunter>Chuck Norris", I received an angry reply (followed by a rather large list of "Chuckisms") from one Mark Slack. It reminded my of a "Chuckism" list that I received from one of my coworkers about "Chuck Norris-CPA". I figure if it was possible to make Chuck Norris jokes about accounting (quite possibly the lamest job on Earth), it should be easy to make Chuck Norris jokes involving the Vs. System. So, without further ado, I present to you...


Chuck Norris - Vs. Style


Roy Harper<>Arsenal once tried to stun Chuck Norris. Chuck just laughed, then roundhouse kicked him so hard that he went back in time. This is how we got Roy Harper<>Speedy.

Nimrod doesn't get the repair counter when Chuck Norris is in play.

Whenever Chuck Norris hits a drop, his charcter will ALWAYS be bigger and better than yours. Whenever Chuck Norris misses a drop, it's only because he feels sorry for you.

Mike Dalton once asked Chuck Norris if he could borrow his rugged good looks and Vs. System prowess. Chuck simply laughed and patted Mike on the head. That pat on the head led Mike to the Top 8 in three out of the last four Pro Circuits.

Chuck Norris can attack hidden characters.

At a recent Pro Circuit, a none-too-bright Magic Pro tried to get a cheap win against Chuck Norris by snagging a card from Chuck's deck then calling a judge for a deck check. When the judge asked Chuck where his 60th card was, Chuck calmly ripped his opponent's arm off and showed the judge the stolen 60th card - still in his opponent's writhing hand.

Chuck Norris has never had to mulligan... ever.

Craig Krempels once made fun of Chuck Norris while he was playing the Vs. System, saying that it was a far inferior game to Magic: The Gathering. Chuck roundhouse kicked Krempels so hard that he shrunk two feet and lost all of his hair. To hide his shame, Craig Krempels changed his name... to Craig Edwards.

Chuck Norris' characters can't be stunned while attacking.

Contrary to popular belief, the art in "Flying Kick" was originally a picture of Chuck Norris delivering his patent roundhouse. However, the art was changed at the last minute because UDE didn't think that +3 ATK was nearly enough for a card with a picture of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't play Finishing Move. Chuck Norris can KO anyone or anything anytime he wants.

Josh Wiitanen had to play Chuck Norris in a Vs. System match. After getting thoroughly trounced by Chuck, Josh suddenly decided to go straight - not because he suddenly started liking women, but because he realized that no other man could compare to Chuck Norris.

What's the only banned card in the Vs. System? Chuck Norris.


So that's all I've got for now. Feel free to contribute to the new Vs. phenomenon... heh heh!

Mystical paralysis doesn't work on Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can attack stuned characters.

When Chuck Norris is playing, team-attackers he control cause breakthrough while attacking characters.

What do you think?

Chuck Norris once played a turn one Finishing Move, when his opponent jokingly asked "Targeting who?" he proceeded to say "You." and promptly roundhouse kicked him into the oblivion.

Chuck Norris once played Combat Protocols calling "Jews" as a joke. The result is what we now call the Holocaust.

Chuck Norris does not need the intiative - you're already dead.

Chuck Norris has no barns, that is because he has roundhouse kicked them all to oblivion.

Contrary to popular belief, the picture on Savage Beatdown is in actuality a photo of Chuck Norris straight out of his mother's womb.

If you were to stroke Chuck Norris' beard, you would find all the X-Men Playmats for Europe, Danny Mandel's newest metagame article, and the meaning of life. Not that you would live to tell anyone about it.

Chuck Norris' favorite card is Bring the Pain. This is not because it is a good card, it is just because he likes having an excuse to roundhouse kick people.

Roy St. Clair once tried to cheat Chuck Norris. A infuriated Chuck Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick him. The pulverized flesh of Roy was completely destroyed and left amnesiac. Chuck in a rare moment of pity renamed him Hans Hoh.

(4) Chuck Norris, Down and Dirty

When Chuck Norris comes into play and your name is also Chuck Norris, you may gain 5 resource points this turn.

Flight, Range

6/6

Chuck Norris doesn't like people talking about Chuck Norris.

Yes, I am an #######.

Next thread!

That would be my thread.

Sorry, Sean, but I got personal permission from Chuck to post this thread.

But i will agree that you are an #######! ;)

When Chuck Norris asked why Ben Seck was called TBS he replied that the "T" stands for "The". Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face claiming that "The" in any name can only be followed by "Chuck Norris".

Chuck Norris created the Wild Vomit Deck. When Stubarns tryed to claim that he was the creater of the deck, Chuck kicked him in the crotch so hard, he shrank and lost all of his hair. He now goes by the name "Dave Humphreys"

Indeed!

The Craig one was pretty funny lol

When the Spiderman set came out, Spiderman was so afraid of Chuck Norris that he stunned himself, thus creating evasion. Didn't work, Chuck norris still roundhoused Cosmic Spiderman, winning the game. He roundhoused kicked him so hard, the cosmic part of Cosmic went flying and landed on Superman, Thus creating cosmic

When Chuck Norris plays, Franky raye gets +20\+20

Oncetime Scarecrow, Fearmonger tried to attack Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked scarcrow so hard he broke into a million counters. That why the Secret society now uses counters.

One time Chuck Norris was playing against the Fantastic Four and out came a child named Valeria. Well, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Valeria so hard she landed in Latveria and joined the doom team.

Originally, tournaments were only supposed to have the Top 6. When Chuck Norris finished 8th, UDE had no choice but to change the rules.

Chuck Norris hates the X-Men. When UDE decided to make the X-Men expansion, Chuck angrily glared in the general direction of the UDE offices and they promptly destroyed all traces of the generic X-Men character search card and all cards that made any X-Men theme consistent.

Chuck Norris once won a PCQ with a Manhunter deck. His last starting hand was Grandmaster, Highmaster, Manhunter Sleeper and My Hero. His opponent played Joystick, emptied his hand, looked straight into Chuck Norris' eyes and conceded after crying for 2 hours and 14 minutes.

You cannot play Enemy of my Enemy to retrieve an Unaffiliated character card. Chuck Norris can.

People didn't complain about the SNO combo enough to warrant UDE's attention. After someone used that combo on Chuck Norris, UDE banned Overload at the exact time they heard Chuck's opponent's head detach from his body.

I have too much time on my hands.

Chuck Norris has only ever lost to one person....... oh wait, nevermind!

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks anyone who says "in response"

Chuck Norris once played a deck that consisted fully and nothing else other than senator kellys. He won a PC with it.

The only reason that TT is so popular is the fact that he can't kick a minor.

Sents ran rampant for a long time, until Chuck got some steel toe boots.

Josh Wiitanen had to play Chuck Norris in a Vs System match. After getting thoroughly trounced by Chuck Josh suddenly decided to go straight not because he suddenly started liking women but because he realized that no other man could compare to Chuck Norris

best one ever

Oh, that's what happened. That makes sense.