Bill Gates WAS dead. Then an evil cult of Windows Worshippers reanimated his corpse. An undead Bill Gates bites you and now you too are a zombie. YOu spend your days in front of a computer, entering information into the Book of the ####ed!

I wish I could

Wish Granted.
You are hit by a delivery truck. You sue the carp out of the company that owns the truck and then live the rest of your life as a quadriplegic millionaire. (Hey, corrupting a bad wish means I had to throw SOME good in there...)

I wish Starbucks wasn't so #### expensive.

Wish granted

You wake up to find your bed full of dead puppies. But, since this is supposed to backfire, their bodily fluids doused the cigarette you fell asleep with in your hand

Wish granted, a ball of fire hits you in the head, however since if you weren't standing there it would have hit a group of orphans, people thing that you threw yourself out there as a hero. Then they would assume you like fire. So society would reward you by lighting you on fire every day for the rest of your life while chanting your name and tending to your every desire.

Your every desire? Aloe.

I wish I could freeze and unfreeze as I chose and be the only person who could move around and do stuff while time was frozen.

Wish granted. You can, but you won't because it's just to ####ed much work.

I wish that I knew what the first guy was thinking when he started drinking the white stuff that comes out of the bottom of cows.

Wish Granted

You spend so much time with the world in a frozen state that, from everyone else's perception, you age at an increased rate. You die prematurely 3 years from now.

I wish that Todd McFarlane wasn't such a tightwad about his characters and would let us have a Spawn fig.

Wish Granted

The first time you freeze a kid bumps into you and shatters you into a million pieces. On the plus side as long as you stay frozen you are alive

If you mean freeze and unfreeze time you just gotta know that sooner or later you will smash the watch that lets you do it. On the pus side, you get to meet Rod Serling

I wish that no one would grant me my fondest wish

Wish granted

Now Todd's not as much of a tight wad, he still is one, though, just not as much.

I wish I knew exactly where the monkey fit in.

Wish Granted

The disturbing nature of this knowledge drives you insane. You spend the remainder of your days in a padded room, dribbling on yourself.

I wish for a bug-free OS for my computer

Great...just great. You melted another freakin' genie!

C'mon, those things don't grow on trees!

Wish Granted

Your computer generates 1 random insect every 10 seconds while in use. This consumes no extra power, nor are you required to send anyone money

wish granted

Unfornatily the os is so unpopular that no one rights any programs for it.

Wish granted. Your fondest wish goes to your next door neighbor, who, not knowing what to do with it, kills it and has the stuffed head mounted over the fireplace.

I wish I knew how to disarm bombs.

Wish granted

You buy a case of Power Bomb (the ULTIMATE Heroclix expansion) and not one figure has arms
You know it happened because the Chinese workers who made them are angry with Westerners buying stupid pieces of plastic