Secret the Pros Don't Want You to Know! - Page 2

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Secret the Pros Don't Want You to Know!

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09/26/2006, 17:43

#16

imported_Speedball

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Mike Long was one of those "Necessary Evils" in MTG. He made the "lap" a legitimate play zone.

09/26/2006, 18:05

#17

the_puritan

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Quote : Originally Posted by TheDerangedBear

Is your name Mike Long?

i will answer this with a reading from Jesse Bourgault's Haikus Of 10K Boston, entitled "The 'Nuts' Draw"
it is a gripping peice that details what it takes to win a match in which you double-Conjuration out Dr Fate.

Quote : Originally Posted by jesser

Stephen Pisani
Has the largest testicles
I have ever known

09/26/2006, 18:13

#18

imported_Em7add11

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Quote : Originally Posted by Speedball

Mike Long was one of those "Necessary Evils" in MTG. He made the "lap" a legitimate play zone.

There's probably a good hairy-palm joke in there somewhere.

09/26/2006, 18:38

#19

imported_Speedball

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Man..... You took where your mind was, then sent my mind there. Now our minds are all High-Fiving and stuff, and I am not sure that thats a good thing. Score = Unintended Innuendo-1, Legitimate Sentence-0

09/26/2006, 19:32

#20

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Quote : Originally Posted by stubarnes

That is so good, and so true, that it made me break my vow of silence.

Why did you go silent?

09/26/2006, 19:55

#21

canamrock

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Quote : Originally Posted by Weapon-X

Why did you go silent?

*shrug* Apparantly, he's afraid of Gellerman... or what he'd do with/to/because-of him. I'm not sure. I assume the silence will be Stu's answer for now, though. ;)

09/26/2006, 20:17

#22

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I went silent as a ritual to coincide with the eclipse and the equinox. Damn pirates and PC announcements made me slip...

Who is Gellerman?

09/26/2006, 21:22

#23

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Quote : Originally Posted by USSR-TheGreat

I see the path I should take now. On a side note, it seems like EMO's would have an awful hard time fitting these requirments. Any advice for them>?

Rippy the Razor sez: Down the block, not across the street.

Anyway, very cool list.

Of course, one additional point would be to point out an inconsequential event in a game and claim it as a mistake, and taunt your opponent with said 'mistake' in the hope that they'll never do it again.

09/26/2006, 21:40

#24

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Quote : Originally Posted by Mr. Zarbon

Hello everyone. Do you often find yourself wondering why the "pros" do so well at the 10ks and PC's? Do you wish you can be like them? Well, wish no longer, because I am about to spill the top 10 secrets that the pros don't want you to know. This is a compiled list of strategies that some good players seem to use, and that seem to work:

1. Start inventing bogus theories about not eating before a tournament. Then, when the big day arrives, beat the living snot out of the idiots who actually followed the theory. It should be easy to beat a bunch of half starving people, shouldn't it?

2. Post your "secret tech" for the next PC on the internet. Then watch in amusement as people copy the decklist and put the deck in their gauntlet. Laugh as you bring something completely different than the deck you posted, and proceed to destroy the competition. Chair deck? Well, technically my Professor X is sitting in a chair, so I was telling the truth!

3. This is kind of a follow up to number 3. Give bogus advice to people on "Deck Garage" type forums. Wow, you should totally add that Trigon to your High Voltage deck. You know, just in case it gets to turn 9. That's a really good idea.

4. Make light of your opponent's ability to play the game. Tell him that you are a "pro", and that you are quite skilled at the game. Your opponent will begin to overthink his moves and make play mistakes. Further confound your opponent by being really technical about the rules. Now win the game, you arrogant pompous jerk.

5. Draw good. Outstandingly so.

6. Rush your opponent through his moves. Often times, he will make a mistake just because you keep saying "are you done" "are you done". A parrot would be a really good Vs. player.

7. Show no emotion. Emotion is weakness. (This rule can be bent if you are playing against another pro, just to look like you have a personality when the metagame report hits the internet.)

8. Turn the card game into a job, rather than the fun game that it is suppose to be. Play competitive decks that you spent many weeks testing. Do not bring pet decks to a big tournament. Kill as much fun as humanly possible. Sell your soul for the power you seek. Weep softly as you realize you've turned the game you loved into a monster. (Do not weep in public, read rule 7.)

9. Form a tightly knit group of "pro" players. Set it up so that a bunch of you are always in the top 8. That way, you will seem like you are pro players. If someone that you don't like tries to act "pro", act like they cheated and ban them from Vs. forever! You can do it, your just that powerful.

10. Make friends with the judges. It will serve you well.

These are some great tips for anyone who wishes to "go pro". Well, I've said to much, and right now there is a dark cabal of pros trying to have me killed. I hope that these secrets benefit someone in some way before I am dead.

I can't give you any more rep points because I have to "spread some around first." Pfft, what a dumb rule. Anyways, nice job, #4 is pretty solid and actually works. I'm gonna try saying "yeah, I won $10K Austrisizcizentenialmumble" and see if my opponent believes me and screws up in LA.

09/26/2006, 22:05

#25

Weapon-X

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yea, how many points need to be spred around before we can give more to the same person?

Quote : Originally Posted by stubarnes

I went silent as a ritual to coincide with the eclipse and the equinox. Damn pirates and PC announcements made me slip...

Who is Gellerman?

lmao

09/26/2006, 22:22

#26

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the name "Alex" seems to jump out at me when i see the name "Gellerman"... although i honestly have no idea why, or where I have previously heard that name.

09/26/2006, 22:51

#27

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Quote : Originally Posted by Mr. Zarbon

1. Start inventing bogus theories about not eating before a tournament. Then, when the big day arrives, beat the living snot out of the idiots who actually followed the theory. It should be easy to beat a bunch of half starving people, shouldn't it?

ill treat these as they were the 10 comandments.mainly this one . watch out pc la.

09/26/2006, 22:52

#28

~~spideysean102~~

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Wow.

I <3 Mr. Zarbon.

09/26/2006, 23:13

#29

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Rule 5 is like the only real way to be a pro

09/26/2006, 23:14

#30

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pfft pro's think they're so great, I would own them ar Rock, Paper, Scissors any day of the week, and number 6 is pure genius for any pirate, that parrot would singlehandedly win you games.

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