Tit for tat, then.

Vote: Servant Caster. True Identity: gfishfunk

I also have no idea who Caster actually is. Just a stab in the dark.

Day 2

"Are you saying Kiritsugu didn't teach you any magic at all?" the armored woman asks me.

I rub the back of my neck. "Not really."

"Then I suppose we will have to train you physically."





Turns out, that wasn't a euphemism, either. Saber made me spar with her all morning and I spend most of the school day looking out the window, wishing I didn't hurt all over.

"Are you some kind of idiot?"

I turn to see the dark haired girl with her hands on her hips. She looks ticked. "Oh, hi, Tohsaka. Um...what are you talking about?"

"Your command seal, you big dummy." She points to the red mark that appeared on my hand when I accidentally summoned Saber. "If you go showing it off like that, you're going to get yourself killed."

"Killed! What are you talking about?"

The dark haired girl squints her eyes. "You haven't noticed all the people trying to kill you?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't know anything about this theme..."

The dark hair girl rolls her eyes, takes my hand and leads me out of the classroom. She says something about a priest and a war but I don't hear anything she says. All I know is Rin Tohsaka is holding my hand.





Meanwhile, a purple haired girl is wandering around with a fish. "I hope Senpai notices me...and doesn't hold anyone else's hand."

Unable to find the one she's looking for, the purple haired girl eats the whole fish herself.






Elsewhere, a blue haired boy is panicking. "Damnit! I was just trying to have a little fun. I didn't mean to let the p0nus (sic) worms out. This is all Emiya's fault....somehow."

A white haired girl in a purple dress walks by. She's holding a large sack. "Hey Matou!" she shouts. Turning she sack upside down, she pours out a bunch of dead worm things all over the ground. "These are yours, aren't they? Keep your flying johnsons away from my servant's butt, okay? That was an embarrassing way to die. Teehee."

"Um....okay."

Servant Berserker is dead. He was ???

Servant Berserker is alive again.

Servant Caster is not GFish.

Night 2

The dark haired girl takes me to see this fake priest.

“Ah, Rin,” says the priest with a warm smile, “which of us will be best girl?”

“I can’t believe I even have to explain this to you, let alone anyone else. KIREI KOTOMINE IS NOT EVEN A GIRL!!!!”

“So. What’s a best girl?” I ask.

“Never mind!” the dark haired girl snaps. “Kirei, this guy is a master and he doesn’t know anything about the theme. How do you expect him to have a chance if he doesn’t even know what’s going on?”

The fake priest pats Rin on the head.

“Listen up, my ignorant friend. The Holy Grail War is a tradition among powerful mages, each summoning a powerful servant from history to fight each other. The winning servant and master get a wish…or so they say. No one has ever won the Holy Grail War.”

“No one? Why not?”

“Do you have Netflix? You can learn all about it on Netflix but here are the cliffnotes. Saber is awesome and has an invisible sword that shoots lasers. Archer is even more awesome but he will sometimes want to kill you. He recites a poem and it makes unlimited blades. Lancer seems like a jerk but he’s actually a bro. Berserker is the strongest one there is and he has twelve lives but he loves his master and they’re pretty cute together if you can get past the fact that he’ll probably kill everyone. Caster makes skeleton monsters and puts people in comas but she really just wants to be loved. Assassin is stuck at the temple. You’ll have to get by him if you want to face Caster. Rider doesn’t get much character development until Heaven’s Feel. Basically, when she’s around Shinji, she’s dangerous but with another master, she’d be on your side. Oh and there’s definitely not one more hidden servant who is even more powerful than Berserker and who always calls people mongrels.” The priest pauses. “Does that help?”

I blink. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

The dark haired girl groans. The fake priest laughs. “You are no Kiritsugu, Shirou. Perhaps that’s a good thing. If you ever become your father in the visual novel, you get a bad ending.”

I leave the church more confused than ever.






Saber and I head to Ryuudou Temple.

“So then the priest tells me that I’m not like my father but that’s a good thing. Why does that Kotomine guy even know my father to begin with?”

The blonde woman in armor looks down then looks up at me dramatically. “Because, Kiritusugu was a master in the previous Holy Grail War.”

BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUM

“And so was Kirei Kotomine. They were worst enemies. Kirei murdered Kiritusugu’s wife.”

BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUM

“And in some continuities (but not this one), he killed Rin’s dad, too.”

BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUM

“And I was Kiritsugu’s servant.”

BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUM

I give Saber a blank stare. “Oh, okay. That makes sense.”






We reach the temple. There is a long staircase leading up to the gate. A samurai stands between us and our goal.

“Good evening. You must be Saber,” he says with a sly smile.

“I am the Saber class servant, yes. By the sword on your back, I assume you belong to one of the cavalry classes.”

“Assassin is my class, in a way. I’m not a true servant like the rest of you. My legend is not well known.” He draws a sword a meter and a half in length. “No matter. I’m still more than a match for anyone wielding a blade. Would you like to test my boast, Saber?”





While the two of them are fighting, I take the opportunity to go after Caster as we originally planned. It does not occur to me that Caster is a powerful servant and I should have waited for Saber. I run through the temple, find Caster’s room and kick the door open.

“Oh. I didn’t think that… I mean, I assumed you’d be wearing more... Didn’t realize the two of you… Ah, geez.”

“Get out of here you little pervert!”

I run away as fast as my legs can carry me, dodging laser blasts as I go.


Day 3 begins. You have 24 hours. Remember, if no one reaches majority, whatever servant/identity combination with the highest number of votes will be lynched.

Listen to Rin. She is best girl.

Rin for best girl

Enjoying these writeups, though.

Everyone is so quiet. Clearly, my master is the protagonist, and it looks like the story revolves around him.

Are Caster and Assassin aligned?

Time to train, Shirou!

I wonder if this is what cost our dear Berserker a life yesterday

Daily Reminder

Talking plot though, the write ups are leading in the general direction of the main plot of UBW. Obviously, there are a few exceptions.

Assassin is Caster's servant, so you could say they're aligned. It's also why Assassin doesn't have a home base in the locations list.

Yeah, it's weird. She also sleeps with her Master, as JoH found out in the writeup.

Are you guys voting Kirei for best girl for the amusement value? I'm not sure it'll work, but that vote definitely has consequences.

Caster, Lancer... why aren't you listening to Rin?!?