I don't exactly understand what the problem is. How does your childish nature prevail?

I can understand people being nervous, but it seems to go beyond that in your case. Why don't you tell these women what you do for a living and where you attended school? Try to find common ground. Once you've it, then you can build the foundation from there.

So if you're having coffee with a woman, ask her what she does. When you hear something that you like or that you're into as well, start on that.

I'm a funny guy. I like to make people laugh. Sometimes, it gets rather silly. Furthermore, I'm not a man with a future. I've got nothing good going on, except for a semi-decent job that I enjoy.

I work IT. It's best to leave that at the door. As for attending school, I've got no degree, no certification, nothing. I've tried, but I cannot push through a semester of school. Unless the class is ridiculously interesting to me, like Economics, Psychology, or Literature, I stop attending. I just...stop. I know I need to go, I know it'll only get worse if I don't, but I just....can't go anymore.

These are not things mature women want to hear. Guys do not change, and they know that by now.

Well, I do that. The problem arises when she realizes we've done nothing but talk about her, and switches it to me. Then Boring McBoringston makes an appearance.

Not surprised.

Well define rather silly. Do you start farting with your armpits or something?

And you've got a lot going for you. A steady job is a good thing to have. Do you have ambition? (God I can't believe I'm talking to someone about ambition).

As for school, I know the tendency is to give up on it. No one can make you go. You have to want it for yourself. Are you complacent with where you are? If not, then eventually the need for improvement will push you to go back to school, even forcing you to stay in class.

The point is that guys CAN change. But they have to want it. Look at me: I've got a TON of #### going wrong with my life right now. I've recently been diagnosed with sleep apnea, I've got obsessive compulsive disorder, I frequently battle depression, I've been seeing shrinks weekly ever since I was 14, I'm not in school and my family is experiencing a bunch of problems right now. I often escape by sitting in my room and just playing on my laptop. But I just take things one day at a time, focus on working on one thing at a time and try to get through this rough patch. I want to change and eventually, I'll get there. I work at a pace that I can manage. So any woman that thinks a man can't change isn't worth your time. People can change if they want it badly enough.

Is it that you feel these women are potentially out of your league and you're intimidated by them?

As for you feeling you have nothing to talk about, listen to what she has to say, comment here and there, and just try to find an in. Common ground is your friend. Why wouldn't a woman want to hear about you? You've just heard everything about them, and probably a ton of it was #### you couldn't care less about (like how they hate their parents, or something). So just tell her about yourself and don't go in there with the attitude that you'll bore them. Play it cool, but confident.

Trust me, I know guys who go in there and have practically nothing going for them. They go in there and try to sound big and get totally shot down. Just judging from how you are on HCRealms, I can tell that you've got a good head on your shoulders and that you've got a sense of humor. So you're already leagues ahead of the people I know. You just have to believe it yourself.

You're asking the wrong guy. My wife is 11 years younger than I am.

Yes, I fully admit to being a cradle robber.

Yea you get farther then I had to do a presentation for class last night and after class in the parking lot a female told me cool presentation ya know what I said? Thanks ma'm and then have a great night ma'm granted she is married with 2 kids but she is attractive and smart and nice and it makes me nervous it shouldn't but it does they do to like the levels of being scared I clam up I can be like I want to say hi how is it going or something but I can't due to fear of rejection probably due to low self esteem

Also I am bipolar so one end of the spectrum I am depressed to the point of suicidal other end so high on the emotional spectrum I feel like a god and that is scary to just about anyone and I don't like the meds as they give you a false happy feeling and I can feel it

The meds are technically supposed to just even you out so that you can deal with your problems while feeling more on the level. Maybe the meds that made you feel all happy were too strong?

I have two friends who are also bi-polar, so I know a good amount about it.

This is good, we're all making headway in our problems in life. Wade, Thawmus and I are all completely nuts.

Anyone else feel like sharing? We don't judge here.

Ok, that was awful. Or What the fudge?

It's rapidly occurring to me that this is difficult for me to describe. It's one of those things you have to see. I don't do anything gross or overly childish, I'm just.....well....goofy. Weird. Odd. That isn't to say that I make anyone afraid of me, or that I turn people off. I'm just....damn. I thought this would be so much easier to describe. Someone fly here and meet me, so that I can be weird at them!!

I don't have ambition. I have almost anti-ambition. It's not that I don't want to be able to support myself, nor my future family. And, my shrinks, friends, family, and I, have all hypothesized that my ambition will probably kickstart if I were to have a family. I just don't really pursue money. Right now, I'm living in a pretty ####ty apartment, I have a decent car, I'm able to pay my bills each month, and I can afford all of my hobbies. That's....all I want.

When my friends want to go out, I can afford it. When I need to see my parents, I can afford it. When my money is looking low, I don't have to go through the guilt of making anyone else eat Ramen for a month. I have a job that doesn't pay me well, but asks a lot of me. I get someone to hate out of it, I get a feeling of responsibility for something, and I get satisfaction, without the price of "OMG this better work or I'm fired" - which, frankly, my coworkers exemplify every day. They speak continually about how much better a tech I am than them, but they know why I won't do it. Hell with that.

That's....that's about as damn near perfect as it can get for me. To know that I'm important, yet not in a position where people are ready to sink their fangs into me.

However, this is not good for raising a family. And a mature woman knows this.

Look, it's been said before, but: I don't know what I want in life. Some days, I regret that I go home to a cold empty bed. Other days, I see my friend that can't so much as come over to say hello more than once a year to me anymore, because he got married, and I thank God that I didn't get mixed up with that.

But, the job? I don't know. I don't know if I want to keep this one, if I want to look elsewhere for the same job, or if I want to try something new. I am always falling out of love with technology. There are a lot of things that make me really not want to touch another computer for the rest of the week. But, it's all an unknown. I've tried moving on from time to time, but I didn't have the stones to pull the plug. Honestly, I don't think I'd cut it anywhere else.

Eh, women aren't the ones that don't think guys can change. Just ask any comedian.

However, I am of the opinion that I am beyond changing. I did change once. Considerably. And then I got my heart broken, and dove right back into what I do now. I just don't think it's meant to be.

Yes, that's a large part of it. Honestly, there's so many parts, it's ridiculous. I could go on forever, starting paragraphs with "That's part of it." I think I do, actually.

In any case, I suffered from venustraphobia for a long time, but I've gotten over it a great deal, thanks to going out on dates and so forth. However, it is rather hard for me to match up my self-worth, when I'm some skinny kid that sits in his apartment playing video games all night long. Women are....I don't want to sound like they're all perfect or anything, but I do tend to set them higher than myself. I'll apologize for things that aren't my fault, or didn't have anything to do with me in the first place, and things like that.

And, yes, I understand that this rids me of getting any respect from her. You don't need to bother telling me this. But, it's a flaw that I'm not particularly ashamed of. I think I've encountered enough absolute jerks, and seen how they treat their girlfriends/wives, that it's perfectly fine if someone treats them better than they perhaps deserve. Someone has to balance this #### out.

......I've had an interesting life, but it's....

It's hard to describe, again. I have stories to tell. I do. But stories are stories. I want to say things about me. It's the old "Describe yourself" game. That page has been empty forever. I have no idea who I am, sometimes. What am I supposed to tell her? What do NORMAL PEOPLE say? I think that's the issue. There are tools and experiences everyone else learns while growing up. Me? I was too busy playing Nintendo all my life. So here I am, at 26, with the same amount of experience to draw upon as a 9-year-old.

What I really need is some woman to lead me around by the hand and teach me these things that normal people already know. Because I'm just...missing...whatever this is that everyone says, "Oh, it comes to everyone with time. Just give it time."

Horse####. Thawmus don't got it. He AIN'T GOT IT. It's not just magically coming to him when he finds his soulmate, either, because he's pretty damn sure she's the one that just walked out of his life forever. And he didn't know what the hell to do THEN, either.

I'm better, single. I know that, and I accept it, most days. As I said before, there are days that I don't. But unless they invent some wonderful brain surgery that teaches me how to, y'know, be like everyone else, it isn't happening. I gotta just move on, and forget it. It's wasting my time, and stressing me out.

That's a little contrary to the experiences I've had. The guy that goes in there and tries to sound big, is usually met with coos and girls smiling at each other because they can't wait to go all the way with this guy.

The entire exercise has become old and trite, for me.


While I do appreciate your concern, and everyone else's, I'm sorry that I brought this up. I really don't want to continue talking about this. It's starting to upset me.

Didn't mean to upset you Thawm, I just hate seeing people in pain. And since I go through it a lot myself, I try to do what I can to help them out.

And for the record, maybe you should come up to Toronto some time. The guys who think they're BMOC (big man on campus) are usually shot down. It provides me with never ending entertainment.

Everyday i start to find out that I am more and more like Thawmus...

I like cartoons I enjoy watching Chowder though I don't go around talking about it I act mature at work or school settings most the time though most the time I am at school I wonder why I am there I don't know what I want to do what degree to get and I fear being alone as I self destruct when I am alone for long periods of time at the dorms I used to take cyclobenzaprin(sp?) so I would sleep all the time or I would take a bunch of vicodin then go to the bar and start downing hard liquor :-/ I just don't feel good about myself feel I ain't good enough I am probably one of the smartest people you will meet but I can't seem to keep close friends because people scare me especially females as I don't want to be hurt but this fear hurts myself in the long run and my worst fear is that I will totally self destruct due to all of this because sometimes you can't stop the downward spiral and with no one to pull you out you get stuck...

Seems we hi-jacked this thread for group therapy

Drinking is a sign that you need help, Wade. Personally, I smoke to take the edge off. Because of my sleep apnea, I do sleep most of the time. I even had to buy a machine that cost 1300 bucks to help me breathe properly at night.

You seem like a great guy, but you seem to suffer from what Thawmus does as well, which is a poor self image. I don't know what I want to do in life either. Writer, lawyer, archaeologist...just a few careers I've considered. And I still don't know what I'd be happy with.

I think it'd help if I knew you and Thawm a bit better (and in person), but I understand a lot of what you're going through. Hell, I go through it too. But 8 years of therapy has at least done something.

God I can't believe that I'm actually acting as realms shrink, considering that I'm the one who can't open a door handle without a glove and disinfectant (my OCD is based around contamination).

Statements like these need to make world news. Because we should all be working to prevent this from going any further.

But it is true Thawmus also I very rarely drink anymore but I guess I have low self esteem probably due to lack of irl friends mostly I am 23 and never been with or even kissed a female and you go around and guys brag about it all the time making it seem like it is what you should be doing but I would be content at this with a female to go to the movies with to talk to maybe even play games with to have a good time with I am honestly not like all I want is sex or anything but I need to somehow increase my confidence so I can achieve atleast that but I can't seem too

Also I used to go to therapy was through school but last semester they didn't call to set up an appointment for the semester and nothing since