Wish granted

It's christmas at ground zero,
the button has been press
the radio just let us know that this is not a test
everywhere the atom bombs are droping
its the end of all humanity
no more time for last minute shoping
time to face your final destine

I wish i knew why i love that song

Wish granted,

You like that song 'cause it's Weird Al. & you also wish that the earth would be nuked on X-Mas. Sicko. What would baby Jesus think?

I wish I knew what to do with my third nipple.

Granted.

You have the worlds hungriest monkey. The banana becomes an extinct fruit. Your house is full of hurled feces. You miss bananas.

I wish people listened to me.

Wish Granted

You finally conclude it would be best to peel off and give to a young child that lacks a second nipple.

I Canada took over The United States. FREE HEALTH CARE

Opps sorry I missed you...I wasnt listening.

Wish granted.

Your feeble American physiology cannot handle Canadian beer. The free health care goes broke (well, broker) dealing with all the alcohol poisonings

I wish that people knew that there is no such thing as a free lunch

Wish Granted,

Beggers and children around the world die of starvation since they cannot get jobs and can no longer eat for free. You get laid off from your job and cannot find another one. You die.

I wish homeless people and gang members could overcome their issues and become a constructive part of society.

The homeless and gangs overcome their issues and unite. Sweeping across the face of the world, they smash government after government. The mighty are brought low.
Sadly, the reason they were in trouble before was their complete and total lack of economic sense. People enjoy the week long free beer fest but do not enjoy the resulting economic collapse and dark ages that follow.
The homeless, knowing that they are "cooler" than working class slobs demand to be fed and housed on the public dime. Sadly, the walled communities that form following the collapse are full of people who know things (like firearm reloading) and they drive off the homeless armies with ease.
The piles of dead outside their walls cause several plagues but eventually larger and larger feudal domains begin to form and by around the year 2205 we are back to roughly where we are now

I wish the term "sports hero" was stricken from the English language and people used words like tragedy and devastated in their proper context (Every time I see a news article about some kid being hit by a bus, it is a tragedy. No, that is an accident. Sad? Yes. Tragedy? No. Oh, and their family is devastated. Excuse me, the family is grieving and saddened, they were not wiped out by artillery (that would be devastated)). Whew...I am done ranting...for now.

Granted.
You are hit by a car that came crashing through your house and destroyed everything your family has. Now your family is devistated and the news paper simply puts "unfortunate accident" as the hedline. This hedline is overlooked because it is not eyecatching and no one attends your funeral.

I wish it wasn't so ####ing freezing out

The wish included them becoming a constructive part of society. I demand a recorrupted devastating and dismall wish!

Constructive from their point? They get everything they want (ergo, your wish as written)
Constructive from my point? GET A JOB YA LAZY BUMS!

If I was killed, my family would not be devastated. Upset, yes. But it would not destroy them.

Geez, grief counsellors show up at schools the instant a kid gets killed. And half the kids go into hysterics even though they never knew the victim. No wonder kids have such freakin' fragile psyches. I remember a kid dying on a weekend around Christmas when I was in grade 5. We had a moment of silence during which time I was thinking "who was that guy?". Kind of a bummer, but I got over it.

Way it goes.

Wah! I can't stand subzero temperatures...#### IT UP!!

Wish granted

The sun goes nova. Warm enuff fer ya, bub?

To paraphrase Caligula, I wish the world had but a single face I could slap some sense into, a single collar I could grab and a single butt I could kick

My admonition ##'ed word is a word meaning to draw in, starts with s, rhymes with Puck and a word that definitely be ##'ed out

It is a common phrase in the military for people who whine (my rucksack weighs twice as much as I do, I have been bayoneted, artillery shells keep landing in my grid square) and you are told to (inhale sharply) it up

You see, when I granted your wish, the car that hit you also crashed through your house and destroyed everything. Hence the devestation.

And, for the record, I live in one of the coldest cities on the planet. I have the rigjht to complain about it.

You are in Ottawa? (For the record, the second coldest capital on the planet. Ulan Bator is the coldest. Yes, Ottawa is colder than Moscow)