Isn't there a version of the hobbit where someone condensed all movies together into one long movie that didn't suck?

Considering that the books themselves sucked, I'm not sure what you would expect. They are far from the best movies, but I think they managed to actually somewhat polish a turd there.

Turds never tarnish and always stay brown

Ah yes, one of Benjamin Franklin's lesser known quotes from the less-successful Poor Richard's Almanack II: Electric Boogaloo.

I disagree with that statement, and think that The Hobbit and the LOTR books are all very good; I don't think there's a problem with the source material.

No. There is a version of The Hobbit where they tried to take out anything that wasn't in the books and condensed everything into about a 4 hour movie...but it still sucked. Source: I downloaded it and watched it.

Bottom line, the Hobbit movies were fantastic. The only thing it was missing was that it should have had Tom Bombadil, and HE should have then gotten his own spin-off twelve hour trilogy.

What was it Ignatz said the other day? "There are no mistakes; there is only bait." Or something like that.

I'm an expert-baiter.

I bow to the master from afar in another room in another house.

Sweet Nancy was so fancy
To get into her pantry
Had to be the aristocracy
The members that she toyed with
At her city club
Were something in diplomacy
So we put her on the hit list
Of a common cunning linguist
A master of many tongues
And now she eases gently
From her Austin to her Bentley
Suddenly she feels so young

You know, there once was this man from Nantucket!

...and that man created a juice business

Actually in that case, there were two guys... named Tom...

Legend has it that they were originally from the Mott's juice company, which they named on backwards name day.

Legend tells us one thing, history another. But every now and then we find something that belongs to both.