Granted, but you have no way to shut off the voices in your head. Your effective range is 20 miles. I would suggest avoiding New York or Tokyo.

I wish my freakin' desktop would work. I tire of the laptop and my wife's desktop.

your freakin' laptop works but it starts freaking other people

Then it freaks a trigger happy cop, who puts it down

Now your computer is down

I wish my stomach would stop bugging me

Granted.

Your stomach has been surgically removed. Badly, I might add.

I wish to see miraculous wonders.

Granted. You see miraculous wonders.

Everything else is a bit of a let down after that. Life becomes an endless cycle of drudgery. Grey day, after grey die. You tire of the monotony and take your own life.

I wish St. Dumas were alive again.

Granted.

Author Alexander Dumas is declared to be a saint by the pope, after which he rises from the grave as a vengeful holy zombie. All humanity falls to the undead curse.

I wish I had kung-fu grip.

Granted. You also have realistic hair and eagle eyes. To all intents and purposes you are Action Man......or GI Joe or whatever he was called in America. You have no genitals. That'll be nice for you.

I wish I were a little bit taller.

Granted! Sadly, that change has also set off other changes and you've become allergic to oxygen. Sad.

I wish we were allowed to light off fireworks at my apartment complex.

wish granted. you are evicted from your apartment... nothing stopping you now.

i wish i could paint better.

You lose your current job but are immediately hired to apply paint to gamblers (betters)

I wish I could find an apartment that did not have me next to noisiest person on the planet (any direction), no neighbour had a dog that howls at 5 am, none of them had bugs, was no more than a 10 minute walk from the subway system and cost me under $800/month inclusive

Granted with ease! Sadly, you need to be a senior citizen and an amputee to qualify to live there, but in time, I'm sure you can achieve both of those goals. But you did find one!

I wish I had more fresh coffee in my cup.

Granted.

You are teleported to Columbia to get fresh coffee, but you are captured by druglords immediately. It's fairly sucky.

I wish I knew what pictures to load onto my MP3 player.

As you sit idly watching the forums, your final rival Immortal finds you. In a daring and spark-filled battle, you finally take his head. You know everything. You are everything.

Then that all goes away thanks to a stupid sequel where you're suddenly an alien or something. Obviously you no longer know what pictures to load.

I wish I had a Powerbook.

Granted.

Your Powerbook has a bad battery, so you constantly need to charge it. The excess electricity causes a spiking bill, rolling blackouts and increased carbon emissions that speed up global warming and set the world on fire.

I wish I could use my powers for good instead of evil.

Granted.
Your former villain associates feel betrayed, and hunt you down and kill you.

I wish I had x-ray vision, so that I could see thru packs of heroclix and spot the super-rates and chase figs.

Granted.

You look in your first booster and it has nothing good. Right after that, you die of cancer from super-exposure to radiation.

I wish my immune system was super-powered.