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09/20/2006, 23:27

#121

SilverAgeFlash

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War Of 1812 was agaist Britian... and Happened within 200 years.

THe point Is Americans Are dumb, and dont care about othe countries cause its not like they are going to live there.

BTW I have Been To london and its much nicer than anywhere I have been in the States, (stay away from Paris though....)

09/20/2006, 23:36

#122

~~spideysean102~~

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Quote : Originally Posted by MadTitanFan

(stay away from Paris though....)

Those snivelling rats that like to be called "French" can kiss my ###.

09/20/2006, 23:51

#123

BillDoor

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If we made a NASCAR track in the shape of Iraq, that'd probably help.

09/21/2006, 00:42

#124

RanmaSolo

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They only pay attention during the crashes though, right?

So that wouldn't work either. :(

-Mike

09/21/2006, 02:48

#125

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Quote : Originally Posted by BillDoor

If we made a NASCAR track in the shape of Iraq, that'd probably help.

Saddly this is so true. :disappoin

09/21/2006, 02:55

#126

babyarm

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It'll all be America in another 50 years anyway...

09/21/2006, 03:28

#127

CuginoBaal

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Quote : Originally Posted by spideysean102

Those snivelling rats that like to be called "French" can kiss my ###.

all xenophobic in chicago?

09/21/2006, 08:46

#128

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Quote : Originally Posted by MadTitanFan

War Of 1812 was agaist Britian... and Happened within 200 years.

Sigh.

"Seeing as we haven't been at war with Australia/England in over 175 years."

09/21/2006, 09:09

#129

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50 nifty united states from 13 original colonies.....

09/21/2006, 10:10

#130

imported_imported_imported_imported_kamiza

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Quote : Originally Posted by spid3rm4n

Before anyone points out how stupid I am in forgetting that we won our independence from Britain, I'll respond by rephrasing my statement to "Seeing as we haven't been at war with Australia/England in over 200 years."

You really think you beat us? Mwu ha ha ha. Foolish colonial Your "independance has been nothing more than a 200 year long obesity experiment by British scientists. Prepare for re-unification

(old email follows, but it's quite fitting:) )

Quote

To the citizens of the United States of America :-

In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney,
upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf"
will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2007. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "5hit". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day"

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are cr*p and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to
all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager".

The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be
referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline"; as you
will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the
former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to
ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your cooperation.

09/21/2006, 10:20

#131

RyanDG

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Quote : Originally Posted by kamiza

You bail them out of 2 world wars and this is the thanks we get. ;)

09/21/2006, 10:32

#132

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Why do you think we bailed them out? Because they programmed us to.

In other news, we should totally have PCOCTGN. Failing that, PCTopeka, Kansas. Go 5th highest crime rate per capita in the nation. You could all get shot. #####es!

(Oh, and, bad news, stu, but all the #####s in Topeka have STDs. Sorry.)

09/21/2006, 10:36

#133

imported_Locke

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Wow. This post just randomly got gut-bustingly hilarious. I must subscribe.

09/21/2006, 10:36

#134

stubarnes

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Quote : Originally Posted by profparm

(Oh, and, bad news, stu, but all the #####s in Topeka have STDs. Sorry.)

No problem. I always have Prosak to fall back on at these things.

09/21/2006, 10:57

#135

imported_imported_imported_imported_kamiza

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Quote : Originally Posted by profparm

Why do you think we bailed them out? Because they programmed us to.

Now this man shows potential. Perhaps we shall allow you to occupy a position of minor authority.

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