We all have problems with certain cards.

I'm sure some of you have shed a tear, gazing down forlorn at row upon row of characters stunned by that blasted Wolverine...

...some of us have lamented the loss of the initiative to that accursed cosmic watersportsperson...

...and we've all cowered in fear, hesitating to utter the very name of... nay! I daren't speak the name of He who wears the "S".

But my quarrel is with one card alone.

Not even the card itself, but a key item that has tragically been omitted from it.

Every petty issue that has ever been raised about the otherwise brilliant VS. system pales in comparison... overshadowed by this...

this...

TRAVESTY!

You know of it...

...it lurks at the back of your mind...

...keeping you awake at night.

The rest of the game is tainted...

nay - soiled - by this heresy.

The problem is...




DOOM GUARDS DON'T HAVE RANGE!



I mean come on. What's that in the picture? A tasty pizza snack on rye? NO! It's a state of the art, high tech assault rifle designed personally, specifically for use by the Latverian Army, by the scientific genius Dr. Victor Von Doom. And that's one guy who REALLY knows how to build weapons.

So what do they do with these guns? Run up to heroes and hit them?

My friends think I'm insane. But I NEVER blow things out of proportion.

I already know the rules say that the picture on the card has no relation to the cards text, but seriously, you expect me to believe that RANDOM PUNKS - i.e: A young person, especially a member of a rebellious counterculture group lacking any definite plan, order or purpose (taken from dictionary.com) - have range, but elite Latverian stormtroopers don't? In the image for the Wild Pack, one out of the three guys has a gun, and it's TINY. The thing probably only has a range of three feet.

Heck, the big guy at the back probably just hurls the gunman at the enemy, like a poor mans fastball special.

I asked a certain online butler why Doom Guards don't have range. He said that they have darkvision.

I think he was drunk.

To sum up, I think Doom Guards deserve range.




(On a related note, how come Parademons have flight, but Topkick, the PARADEMON DRILL INSTRUCTOR doesn't?)

Eeeyowch. That is great stuff. Is your screen name from the PSone game Unholy War?

I vaguely remember an mtg format called Kangaroo Court where winged creatures were allowed flight and such. Maybe Vs. needs something like that to right these horrible wrongs.

If fanboys were allowed to change any aspect of the game that did not coincide with their interpretations of certain characters, then there would be no point facing off against a gotham knight deck, cuz batman always wins!

This is a wonderful thread.

(that kind of looks sarcastic but it's not supposed to.)

Yes, my username is from Unholy War and I'm impressed that you recognized it. It is also german for "hunter".

But enough about me...

For as long as I've played VS I've used a doom deck. I just think that its kind of odd.

I've seen similar things, like Jean Grey. Are you going to tell me that TELEkinesis isn't ranged? (See my cunning highlight on the important part of that word. Cunning as a fox.)

And while we're on the subject of inaccurate pictures, on the image for A Day Unlike Any Other, Spiderman is clearly webslinging as is his perogative (you know being the creator of webshooters and all), Daredevil is ... well, I dunno, "billy-club-slinging", as he does, but what is Captain America running on?

And its not just images, its comic-book fact (if thats possible) as well. Is it not true that Nightcrawler, Spiral and U-Go-Girl are all capable of teleportation, but only the first two have "can attack as if they had flight and range". Is there something different about U-Go-Girls type of teleportation?

I have peculiar precognitive feeling that I'm going to receive some abusive e-mails from VS artists, and possibly UDE as well.

Jeez, another huge post. I need to lay off the sugar cubes...


I am not a fanboy. I prefer the phrase "attentive to detail".

I agree. You are not a fanboy, you are my new favorite Realmer.

Stay cunning,

Stu

Heh, lots of things in this game make no sense. Take Hostage Situation for example...

... who is exactly being held hostage? Why does this affect your resource row and ongoing plot twists? And you discard a card (you're paying? but you are making the demands!), and shuffle your deck (which is bad due to Revenge Pact).

The closest analogy we can come up for Hostage Situation is this:

-------------------------------

LUTHOR (over phone): "Yes! I have her hostage. In a SECRET locaction! I will not tell you where!"

SUPERMAN: "You cad Luthor!* Hand her back."

LUTHOR: "Never! Not unless you meet my demands!"

SUPERMAN: "I will never meet your demands luthor. I don't deal with blackmailers."

LUTHOR "Ah, but you have not heard my demands yet. My demands are simple. I want you to fetch me something. This something is a special bottle of Bourolais '85. It costs about 200 dollars and is being sold down in Macy's. When you have fetched that return to my apartment at 12th and Jefferson. You will find the keys under the mat. Inside my apartment leave the bottle of wine on my table. You will find money to cover your purchase in the cookie jar, after all I am not an evil man. Oh, and while you are there if you could use your superspeed and rearange, er, I mean tidy my flat it would be most kind".

SUPERMAN: "What?! You want me to run barn for you? To be your butler? Is this some kind of sick joke luthor...?"

LUTHOR: "Oh, I'm DEADLY serious superman. I have never been more serious. Now do my shopping for me, take the money to pay for it, or THE GIRL DIES!"

SUPERMAN: "Well... just this once. But not again Luthor, you hear me... not again."

LUTHOR: "Bwahaha another plan comes perfectly to fruition. Who needs a lousy butler anyway when I have cunning plans like this!"

-------------------------------

(edit: * I just realised that Superman, not being British, would probably not call Luthor a "cad". But he would have been thinking it anyway, so thats all-right)

i think more people should cad, and cheeky bastard too. they sounds much more civil, than mother ####er.

my favorite mini rant is about prodigy.

apparently, he is falling from somewhere very high, not flying.
you see, because, he has no flight.

how about baron zemo not having range i mean the picture is of him pointing a gun at you.

It annoys me that Gambit and Spidey don't have range, but Cap and Mr. Fantastic do.

Mr. Fantastic can stretch to long distance and Cap throws his stupid shield. but Yes Gambit and Spidey need freakin range

Well, Black Knight has no flight, despite the fact that he's riding a hovering 'techno horse' of some sort... Hey, both Green Goblin and Hobgoblin got flight for their goblin gliders, what about poor ol' Dane?

Ah yes but gliders can as least remain airborne for a decent amount of time. Horses on the other hand....

I know I'm going to catch hell about this, and I AGREE with each of your own personal observations...


....

...why are the GK so short on range? Flight I can see being argueable, but RANGE??? C'mon...