You forget that I lived in the birthplace of barbed wire and had to wash the stink of a pig farm out of my clothes on a regular basis.

The only emoticon Haven needs is

You only need one. So what. He's like Amazons who lopped off one breast to be more effective archers.

"Why do people say "Grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding! - Betty White

As much as I hate to admit it, and as creepy as it is coming from her; the old broad's got a point.

See what I mean?

You just don't get it.

Again:

Accurate List of characters that you should read my posts as:

Freakazoid!
Yoda
Bill and/or Ted
Hurley
Any and every Muppet

I thought the zero bids was pretty fantastic.

I have to disagree here. I'm glad that Jimmy Olsen wasn't included because I think he would have been another Mary Jane Watson, Nurse, Mugger, or JJJ. We don't need those types of characters. Now if they would have included Jimmy Olsen when he was mutated into some kind of monster, then it would have been fine. But if we would have gotten a Jimmy Olsen as just plain old Jimmy Olsen, it would have been terrible, almost as bad as having more Colossal Super Boosters.

I don't know about pigs, but I can tell you that I'm all for Sheep Genocide. Doing chores in northern Minnesota in January at 5am makes you lose all feeling and sympathy for sheep.

Negative.

Chef from South Park fits.

I was gonna say Mr. Mackey.

At one time, IIRC, Lance Armstrong was the poster boy for the USPS; nearly married to Sheryl Crow; and hosting SNL with her.

Not bad --- and that's without even getting into his accomplishments as a cyclist. In my mind, his most meaningful accomplishment involved attaining his status as a cancer survivor, anyway.

That said...far be it from me to suggest that his star has dipped since then, if not fallen from the sky, but I do think you might want to come up with a better example of (ahem) quotability, eh?

As for...
Listen, the emoticons are NOT to capture the real you.

But if all the world's a stage, then some thought should be given to proper lighting. I say, if you really want your posts to come across in a kinder light, then pick your poison: shiny happy emoticons or conditional verbs.

The choice is yours.

I've never heard that about sheep.

I've heard that chickens are just detestable. NO ONE who I know who has ever had to deal with chickens likes them.

Pigs do this thing where they all start at once over NOTHING, and on a big pig farm (not a factory farm though) where they have the longhouses with the plastic floors, the sound is supremely alarming, especially for an old soldier like me. After a while, you're nerves will be completely shot.

Also, pigs will kill and eat you if given the chance. I know people who have been charged into fences and stuff and had their legs broken, but that's not most of them.

And pig reek is really something in and of itself. You show up on a pig farm and think "Dear, God; I'll never get used to that." But you do. The problem is, after you drive home, don't pick up the clothes you wore to the farm because the smell is not part of their material!

What do sheep do that's so bad other than being one of the creepiest animals on the planet just by standing there?

This made men laugh out loud.

The wife just stared at me like I was an idiot. Which is normal, but then she scoffed at me.

I pictured more of a Ron Simmons for you.

I haven't got a clue as to who's voice/tone should be read for my posts.

I was thinking Jack from Will & Grace.

Wow.

Thanks, I think.

If you're talking about the way he talks to the children after saying "Why bad?" then that's pretty accurate for me with the kids sometimes.

But the singing part? No. And the womanizing? No.

Sheep are just incredibly stupid animals. They scatter like cats and are just a pain in the butt to deal with. We were having a bonfire once and one of the sheep took off in a full on sprint to charge the fire. Now I need to explain our bonfires to the Ogres here that haven't been in a rural area. Our usual bonfire was about 5' x 5' and you had to stand about 8 feet away because it got so hot. We chopped up entire dead trees and used them as wood. So bottom line, it was a big fire. The sheep would charge at this inferno monstrosity. And their "baaaaaa" was obnoxious. I wouldn't doubt though that pigs were probably worse. Sheep are just intensely obnoxious.

Dammit, Butters, I hate you so much right now.