Tranformers: The Car Wash of Doom.

Look it up.

I think you posted in the wrong thread. This is for the worst comics ever, not the GREATEST comics ever. I don't even need to read that to know it's pure gold.

I was just thinking this morning about the Marvel Knights Fantastic Four storyline where they went broke and had to get jobs. Apologies if this has been mentioned in this discussion already.

Why am I angry about this story - why do I think it could rank as one of the worst? Because the author was lazy, and unwilling to look at the ramifications of his story "hook".

Normally when something unreasonable or irrational happens, it's about physics, like "why doesn't Cyclops' head fly back just as hard as the villain that he zaps with an optic blast?", or "seriously, how does he stick to walls?" Or it's about characterization. "Is Wolverine an honourable Samurai or a mindless thug?" Those are bad, but we can gloss over the science - happens all the time. Characterization problems are unavoidable when a title changes writers twice a year.

What I find to be the most unforgivable writing error is using a "plot hammer" to drive the story to the conclusion you've written, instead of imagining how the characters would react to your "hook". It's lazy and condescending to your readers. It hearkens back to the era of "kiddie books" and comics as "cheap, mindless entertainment".

This time, it's entirely about laziness. So the FF have been sued. Lost their cash resources. Fine, that could happen. You can still have an engaging storyline starting from that. But then the writer painted himself into a corner at that point. Could no one involved in the making of this comic see any of the dozens of ways the Fantastic Four could make money extremely easily? Since it doesn't take much thinking to come up with a couple, why didn't they bother?
- The FF own a rocket ship. How about launching some satellites for a million bucks a pop. Or just taking people on tours of Counter-Earth, Titan, Monster Island?
- They have dozens of robots and could build hundreds more. Robots + Spaceship = Colonies on Mars. Or offer to build a moon base. Some country's gotta be willing to pay a billion or two for that.
- they've been to countless worlds and other dimensions. How about a simple lecture tour. Bill Clinton gets a quarter-million per. I'd pay a few bucks to hear a story and see snapshots about Rigel VII, wouldn't you?
- They've got vehicles, powerful scanners and super powers. Dig up some buried/sunken treasure already.
- Putting out forest fires, claiming rewards for capturing criminals, hosting a reality show, even!

How did they ever expect us to believe that they would need mundane jobs, and then (this is where I start to sputter and go bug-eyed) proceed to lose those jobs?

Thing lost a job in construction because he was too good? What? Is this what normally happens to normal human workers who exceed the average productivity? He could start his own bloody company, and advertise: "I can lift 60 tons and put it anywhere. I'm invulnerable to any industrial accident and can hold my breath for 30 minutes." Yeah, I think he'd get some contracts.

Human Torch is interviewed but not hired as a firefighter. I can suspend my disbelief over wall-crawling and the power of a million exploding suns existing comfortably in the body of a schizophrenic blond dude, but this?
Johnny: "I am fireproof, heat resistant and can absorb flame and heat, putting fires out instantly. I've been saving lives for 40 years and I can fly."
Apparently Insane Fire Chief: "We'll let you know".

I'd better stop before I spill more Grape Fanta on my GLC t-shirt, shaking from indignation. But you see my point. The guy is offered a job writing a comic book, gets to actually decide what the Fantastic Four get to say and do, and then he makes a half-assed job of it. Whatever.

/END RANT.

Read it, own it, love it!

"Oh, I can hoist a jack, and I can lay a track
I can pick and shovel too
I can do anything you hire me to".

Who was the writer for the FF story?

Off topic, but just wanted to say my impression on this: There's a portal in Cyke's eyes. He opens his eyes, and a red optic blast full of kinetic energy comes through. Why doesn't his head go back if the blast hits something that doesn't move? Because there's no recoil. Imagine those theater knives that have a spring and the blade goes into the handle when the blade is being struck into something. That's what happens with Cyke, the energy from the optic blast goes back through the portal, thus leaving Cyke without recoil.

I believe it was Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa. No offense to him, since he's a respected dramatist and tv writer. I just hate glaring logical inconsistencies. I wouldn't point to Marvel Knights 4 as his best work.

Of course it's always possible to come up with a plausible semi-logical explanation for a superpower (we'll ignore the further questions raised like how is the portal generated, where does it lead, why does it only open on one side, etc) but my point was that I was fine with absurd powers but not with intelligent, experienced heroes ignoring simple, obvious solutions to a problem in favour of the solutions the author wants them to make for the sake of the story he wants to tell.

The story itself didn't bug me too much, it was the fact that after the initial story where they move into a cheap hotel and get mundane jobs (as stupid as that is), there was a REALLY stupid story about Sue and Ben and Reed taking Franklin and some other kids on a camping trip, except aliens have been abducting campers in that area for many years, and during this story they made absolutely NO MENTION of the FF's supposed monetary troubles. And then in the 12th issue of the series Sue says to Reed, "I finally figured it out. This was another one of your experiments." and he says "I just wanted to give Franklin a normal life. He's always so disappointed when we get called away on his birthday or he can't go camping." So Sue tells him they're the FF, and a "normal" life isn't normal for them, so it's time for Reed to abandon his experiment and get their life back. And then on the next page they're rich again. Just like that.

The story wouldn't have bothered me if it had been written with conviction, but the writer seemingly abandoned it after the first 6 issues, and then found the easiest, laziest way out of it.

I never read any of these stories, and after reading this thread, I'm not sorry.

But this introduced Hawkeye: The Man That Can't Open a Buckle!

*grumble* stupid disassembled *grumble*

Yeah, I'm bitter about Disassembled. It was either a bunch of talking heads doing nothing...or people acting out of character and dying stupid deaths.

Man I'd read ANYTHING with that title!!!

The only comic series I've ever given back to someone (thankfully I didn't buy it) without finishing it was Wanted (Millar). I'm not a person who is easily offended...heck I have a potty mouth at times...but this book seemed to be nothing more than one swear word after another which broke only long enough to have some form of sexual depravity committed. Yeah, I found this book neither "edgy" nor "gritty" but just a cry for help from Mark Millar as he obviously has some deep rooted problems.

I did not want to quote the whole thing, I just wanted to say I agree with you that this was a bad series. BUT it had a gem. I LOVED seeing Reed go all out and BEAT THE TAR out of Namor for messing with his wife when Namor thought he wouldn't do a thing.
That line where Reed said he was just distracting NAMOR so he could move all his mass into a giant fist was PRICELESS!!!!