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Hello folks, and welcome to Strange Tales from...The League! I'm co-commish cy0nknight. Helping me write Strange Tales will be everyone's favorite 5th dimensional imp, Bat-Mite!

Watch this space every week for hard-hitting action and commentary! It's guaranteed to knock your socks off. If it doesn't, I'll be fired! Yahoo!

ISSUE #0 - MEET THE TEAMS! (AND BAT-MITE)

Hello, comic book fans and nerdlings. It's me, Bat-Mite. cy0nknight's account doesn't have image posting privileges, so you'll have to do with links ripped from Google. Oh, the copyright issues! Not that I care. ANYWAYS...

Here's me. Don't I look totes adorb? I've been Batman's number one fan ever since the beginning! Really! Sometimes he doesn't realize that I want to help him out, though. I'm sure DEEP DOWN INSIDE he understands.

But that's not why you're here. You want to hear about the teams duking it out in your little League, huh? Well, lemme fire up the ol' computer and I'll share some tasty tidbits with you! And if you don't like 'em, I'll sic Calendar King on you.

The Avengers!

"We're Avengers and we're totally serious!"

What's to say about these guys? They're clearly a copy of the Justice League, WHICH IS THE COOLEST BECAUSE BATMAN.

No, but in all seriousness. The Avengers were originally founded to battle the Norse god Loki, and consisted of Ant-Man, Wasp, the Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man. All this because Hulk ripped up a railroad track, and the distress signal Rick Jones sent to the Fantastic Four got diverted to Thor (and the future Avengers) instead. Bad Loki. No cookie for you!

The Avengers have gotten a LOT bigger since then, and are one of the mainstays of the Marvel comic book line. Of course, that whole "Secret Wars" storyline might shake things up a bit...

Significant folks include:

- Goliath (He's really Hawkeye! Shhhh!)
- Thor (Norse God with a hammer!)
- Hercules (Another friggin' god...demigod...)
- Captain America (One of the OGs)
- Ant-Man (Hank Pym, Ultron's daddy)

Justice League

Super serious JUSTICE.

Not to be confused with Justice League Dark, Justice League Europe, Justice League International, Justice League of America...did I cover all of them? No? Okay.

Depending on which Era we're talking about, the Justice League was originally formed to battle Appelexians, or Starro the Conqueror, or Darkseid. It's kinda murky. What you need to know is that these guys (and gals) work day and night to keep Earth from falling into the hands of horrible evil-doers!

Just like the Avengers, the League's expanded to make sure every single inch of Earth is protected by people in super-tights.

Significant folks include:

- BATMAN (The one! The only! The one-man Justice League!!)
- Superman (One of the original super-heroes, period)
- Wonder Woman (She's an Amazon! And she's got a lasso!)
- Green Lantern (Blinding you with LIGHT)
- The Flash (Faster than anyone on Earth)
- Cyborg (Is he man? Is he machine? Por qué no los dos?)

New Warriors

Heroic headshots, baby.

Teenage angst! Puberty! Super-human powers! Normally you'd never wanna mix the three, but you have to find a way to get the kiddies to buy your comics, right? And what better way than with kids with superpowers!

The New Warriors were originally founded by Night Thrasher, who did some research and recruited a bunch of teens/kids to help him in the war on crime. They first did battle with Terrax, a herald of Galactus, where the Avengers took the credit for winning! (Jerks.) Since then, they've been on multi-dimensional adventures and even been involved with the start of Marvel's Civil War! Don't get caught up in reality TV, kiddies.

Significant folks include:

- Night Thrasher (The founder! Kick-Ass might've ripped off his style!)
- Nova (Join the Nova Corps!)
- Namorita (She's related to Namor!)
- Speedball (Kinetic power!)
- Rage (He might have anger issues!)

Nation X

A nation...of X!

On this edition of "As the X-Men Turn..." (Cue the dramatic music)

After escaping the grasps of Norman Osborn and his "Dark" teams (The Dark Avengers and the Dark X-Men), all the X-Men want to do is find a nice Asteroid to settle on and live out their lives in peace. Never mind that Magneto may not be the peacenik he says he is, and that Lobe and his freakshow want to take out the X-MEN!

Significant folks:
- Magneto (He knows how magnets work!)
- Cyclops (He shoots beams from his eyes!)
- Banshee (The screamer!)
- Hope Summers (The Mutant Messiah!)
- Wolverine (He got claws, bub!)

Heroes for Hire

You got the time? You got the dime? They'll be your hero.

Being a super hero takes time, and resources, and not everyone can be a playboy billionaire. Sometimes you gotta get PAID for hero'ing.

Originally started by Luke Cage, aka Power Man, Heroes for Hire does all your security and investigation services. It's gone through different iterations over the years, what with getting bought out and dealing with The Purple Man and The Puppetmaster. In the end, though, it's about saving the world...even if it's by folks who aren't Avengers.

Significant Folks:

- Colleen Wing (Daughter of the Dragon!)
- Misty Knight (The other daughter of the Dragon!)
- Iron Fist (The man from K'un Lun!)
- Power Man (The brother who started it all!)

Guardians of the Galaxy

Guarding the Galaxy!

Ass-Kickers of the Fantastic! Rocket Raccoon and His Human Hangers-On! Groot and his Branches!

Originally formed to fight The Phalanx, The Guardians stuck around to keep any similar stuff from happening. Stationed in Knowhere, they've fought the Universal Church of Truth; gone into the Cancerverse; and saved past Jean Grey from the Shi'ar. More recently, the Guardians got the big-screen treatment, with the hunky Chris Pratt as Star-Lord.

Significant folks:

- Star-Lord (The guy with the vintage tunes!)
- Rocket Raccoon (The talking ball of fur!)
- Drax the Destroyer (Simple man, simple purpose!)
- Gamora (Deadliest assassin in the galaxy!)

Excalibur

Keeping the homeland safe.

For the Queen and Britannia, and tea, and crumpets!

Formed during the aftermath of "Mutant Massacre," Excalibur was supposed to carry on the legacy of the X-Men. Captain Britain and his girlfriend Meggan led a number of former X-Men/X-characters through cross-dimensional adventures, up until the Captain's marriage to Meggan. After House of M, a new Excalibur team popped up, but that's a team for another league.

Significant folks:

- Captain Britain (The guy in the Union Jack!)
- Meggan (She can morph!)
- Shadowcat (She can shift through walls!)
- Nightcrawler (BAMF!)

Hydra

Red Skull's a vegan? Kale Hydra!

Madame Hydra's on the school computer? Must be playing Oregon Trail...Hydra!

While it might seem like Hydra got its start after WWII, they've been around for a LOT longer - ever since the time of the Pyramids. Their goal? Take over the world. How're they gonna do it? Lots and lots of nefarious schemes, most of which get foiled by Nick Fury and the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Despite a Civil War in their organization and Skrull invasions, they're still around. Cut off one limb, and two more will take their place! Hail Hydra!

Significant Folks:

- Red Skull (He's a Nazi!)
- Madame Hydra (She's deadly!)
- Baron Von Strucker (He's got the Devil Claw!)
- Bob, Agent of Hydra (He works with Deadpool!)

Thunderbolts NOW!

Insert your own thunder joke here.

Originally formed by Baron Zemo for the purpose of infiltrating the superhero scene and achieving world domination, this version of the 'bolts came about thanks to General "Thunderbolt" Ross. Although they weren't around for that long (mostly due to not being able to trust Ross), they took on missions that were similar to what X-Force did. Fun fact: the Thunderbolts team being fielded in The League features Mercy, who was dragged to hell after a deal with Mephisto!

Significant folks:
- Red Hulk (He's not above using guns!)
- Punisher (A vigilante with an enormous armory!)
- Agent Venom (Who's in control: Flash or the Symbiote?)
- Deadpool (The Merc with the Mouth!)
- Red Leader (The Leader, now with extra red gamma radiation!)

A-Force

Who run the world? GIRLS.

Dateline Secret Wars: God Doom has reformed the Marvel Universe into Battleworld, a place separated into various fantastical realms. One such domain is Arcadia, an island nation where female superheroes have banded together to become the A-FORCE. Guided by Baron Jennifer Walters, aka She-Hulk, A-Force will do everything in their power to keep Arcadia's citizens safe.

Significant folks:

- She-Hulk (The head honcho, the big cheese!)
- Medusa (She's an Inhuman with HAIR!)
- Loki (Yes, really!)
- Nico Minoru (She wields the Staff of One!)

Fantastic Four

Dysfunctional? Maybe. A family? Absolutely.

One of the most iconic teams out there, the Fantastic Four were four ordinary astronauts...until they were exposed to cosmic radiation! (A note from Uncle Bat-Mite: stay away from radiation, unless you want to have superpowers. That's PROBABLY good advice.) Opposed primarily by the dastardly Doctor Doom, the Four have gone toe-to-toe with the ever-hungry Galactus and his heralds; shape-shifting Skrulls; and the Mole Man's subterranean empire.

Significant folks:

- Mr. Fantastic (He can stretch!)
- Invisible Woman (She seems to have an invisible touch, yeah!)
- Human Torch (Flame on! Unless Asbestos Man is around...)
- The Thing (It's clobberin' time!)


Masters of Evil

They all got their Masters degree in Evil-Doing from Villainy University.

Much like the Thunderbolts and Hydra, the Masters of Evil have gone through a number of iterations over the years, all with the intent of world domination. Despite having leaders like the Zemos (Barons Helmut and Heinrich), Ultron, Egghead, and the Crimson Cowl (Justine Hammer), and tons of heinous plans, the Masters keep getting defeated by those troublesome do-gooders.

Significant folks:

- Crimson Cowl (Who's under the hood? Jarvis?)
- Melter (He melts stuff!)
- Klaw (He can break the sound barrier!)
- Titania (She's with Absorbing Man!)
- Absorbing Man (He absorbs stuff!)

Black Order

You'd better know where Thanos's son is.

If you're looking for one of the nastiest groups in the Marvel universe, you don't need to look further than Thanos's Black Order. These guys were formed to help the Mad Titan in his campaign to raze worlds, and raze them they do. The Order were sent to Earth to gather the scattered gems of the Infinity Gauntlet (protected by the Illuminati). In addition, they were supposed to find Thanos's son, the Inhuman Thane, and bring him to the Titan to be killed. They're just as nasty in-game, so watch out!

Significant Folks:

- Thanos (The Mad Titan!)
- Corvus Glaive (Second in command!)
- Proxima Midnight (She's got a spear!)
- Ebony Maw (He's got a way with words!)
- Black Dwarf (Dat axe!)

Justice League of America

These ain't your daddy's JLA.

Amanda Waller, aka The Wall, is not just the brains behind the Suicide Squad. In DC's New 52 continuity, she also formed the Justice League of America. These government-sanctioned superheroes are meant to be a perfect counter for the Justice League, should they go rogue for any reason. Little do they realize that one of their people is actually working against them...

Significant Folks:

- Green Arrow (Not Oliver Queen!)
- Vibe (He can shake, rattle, and roll!)
- Atomica (Is she who she says she is?)
- Martian Manhunter (Where'd he go?)
- Hawkman (He don't need no Red Bull for wings!)

New Guardians

Just a big, happy get-together with friends.

Normally, if you're chosen to wield a power ring, it's just for one Corps. Okay, maybe two. (You know who you are, Hal Jordan.) Anyways, Kyle Rayner was chosen to wield rings from ALL the Corps, leading him to be chased down as a ring thief. But it's all just a big misunderstanding, as representatives from each of the Corps are forced to hunt down Invictus, an angelic being that wants to get revenge on Larfleeze. Why? Larfleeze did some horrible stuff to the Vega system, and now Invictus wants to kill Larfleeze and destroy Vega! And if Invictus wasn't the reason Kyle got all those rings, then why?

Legion of Doom

Roll Call of DOOM!

The League's Legion of Doom is straight from the Hanna Barbara cartoon, "Challenge of the Super-Friends." Located in the dismal Slaughter Swamp, these fiendish felons come up with plan after evil plan, only to be foiled by Superman and his powerful Super-Friends. Amazingly enough, they always evade capture, thanks to Lex Luthor's genius because the writers were la-, ahem, CLEVER. So clever.

We interrupt cy0nknight's unfinished Issue #0 to bring you news from The League. A world located in the HCRealms pocket universe, it's seen some major action this week!

"HCRealms pocket universe?" Really? Did you put ANY thought into that? Anyways, time for the team-on-team highlights:

Freedom Phalanx vs. Thunderbolts Now!

There hasn't been much action in this game yet. As far as Bat-Mite and myself can tell, there's a LOT of exposition going on at Wayne Manor. "Is Positron more than a machine? Can he feel LOVE?" We'll check back in with these guys next week.

Legion of Doom vs. Justice League of America

Antimatter X-Men? Man, I wouldn't want to go up against those evil freaks. Like Bat-Mite tried to say, this fight's taking place in the Antimatter Universe, where good is evil and vice versa. Specifically, it's where the evil X-Men have their "Danger Room."

After some initial positioning, Sinestro tried to get a Pulse Wave off against Catwoman in the Danger Room's control room. While it wasn't successful, the fight's still in its early stages. Both teams are at full strength, so it's anyone's game.

Justice League vs. Guardians of the Galaxy

Aliens vs. Aliens (and Chris Pratt)! This fight's on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s aerial headquarters, the Helicarrier. Enchantress had a run-in with SHIELD agents a few minutes before the fight started, so the whole carrier's been afflicted with her brand of magic. What does it do? Make everyone insane in the membrane. (Insane in the brain!)

Superman and Henry Cavill (Superman) have made a strong showing so far, bashing Chris Pratt with a TOMBSTONE and beating the daylights out of Rocket Raccoon. Can the Guardians make a comeback?

Batman Family vs. Black Order

Mars. The red planet. Not a great place to be, even more so when The Blackest Night is in full swing. Dead superhumans coming back as Black Lantern Corps members...scary stuff.

Even with the planet's barren landscape, my man Batman (and his movie counterpart, Christian Bale) were able to find places to hide. Once they got settled, Thanos was in for a world of pain. Don't count The Order out yet, though.

Excalibur vs. Hydra

The Realm of Death. Normally a quiet place for Death to veg out, it's been invaded by superhumans! What an EXTRAORDINARY day. Not for Death, though. She just wants to read "Fifty Shades of Grey" in peace, thankyouverymuch.

While Sin made a devastating opening attack for Hydra, sending Wolfsbane straight to her last click with a well-placed bullet, the werewolf wasn't going to be stopped. Wolfsbane was so enraged, she literally TORE Wolverine apart in just two attacks! Logan might have regenerative powers, but Wolfie made sure he would be hurting after the battle.That's why you shoot werewolves with silver bullets, people.

Sin was on a rampage, single-handedly taking Cerise, Psylocke, Moira McTaggert, Captain Britain, and Wolfsbane all out. It wasn't all her, though. She got help from Kingpin's criminal expertise, Hydra technology, and a LOT of hypnotic suggestions from Red Skull.

In the end, Hydra reigned supreme. Who will they destroy next? And can Sin keep up her new reputation as the deadliest assassin in the League?

Nation X vs. Masters of Evil

Much like the Legion of Doom/JLA match, both teams are taking up positions in the Corner Lot, which has become a war zone thanks to The League. There's not a lot of action yet, but there's plenty of exposition. We'll check back in with this match next week.

New Guardians vs. The Avengers (1970s)

Ants, man. Why'd it have to be ants? Hank Pym has been the star of this match, undergoing an identity crisis worthy of Spider-Man. He's also been calling in his insect friends, swarming the New Guardians with them. Can the Guardians deal with Hank and his pest-y bros? Will either team survive the snowstorm brought on by the Casket of Ancient Winters?

Heroes for Hire vs. Legion of Superheroes

Normally a gleaming city of progress, The League's Metropolis has come under siege by Darkseid and his army of Parademons. Pockets of resistance have formed to combat the extra-terrestrial threat, but who knows when - or if - they will succeed.

The Heroes have made a strong entrance, using Misty Knight's guidance to put a dent in the LoSH. Rond Vidar in particular has been smacked around, and he's already used his Time Cube to warp himself back to his team's starting area. Can the LoSH call on the resistance to make a comeback?

New Warriors vs. Fantastic Four

The League is a strange place, but its universe is even stranger. Pockets of space have been known to turn into Star Trek locales, making for some very interesting battles. Don't worry, there's plenty of oxygen for all the fleshy humans. We wouldn't want anyone to really die, would we?

For the folks who aren't familiar with the Mutara Nebula, it's the place where Captain James T. Kirk and Khan Noonien Singh clashed in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. The middle of the battlefield features the Genesis Planet, which was created when - Dude, quit it. They want to read more, they can go to Memory Alpha. Focus.

After some initial positioning and a barrier from Invisible Woman, both teams started mixing it up. Some of the stand-outs have been Luke Cage and Firestar. Luke managed to hit Rage for 6 damage!! That's pretty impressive in my book. There have been casualties on both sides, so it's anyone's game at the moment.

Crime Syndicate vs. A-Force

The Crime Syndicate of Amerika and Battleworld's A-Force have been sent to The Garden, where the gravity's cranked up to 11! Fun!

After some initial positioning, Crystal ignored Medusa's instructions and tangled with Ultraman, blasting him with a Pulse Wave. Ultraman returned the favor, and Superwoman swooped in to defend her man. (Or is she just setting Ultra up for failure?) It's been an exciting match so far, and the Crime Syndicate are in complete control of every action made. It's as if the Outsider knows exactly what's going to happen. Spooky stuff!

Freedom Phalanx vs. Thunderbolts Now!

I apologize because Positron is NOT a robot, as I had written in last week's issue. He's a man in a power suit. Anyways!

This week saw Manticore and Positron working with a motley crew of heroes against General Ross's Thunderbolts. Hidden amongst the debris was a Gamma Bomb, which Lois Lane was initially able to delay. (She's had training, trust me!)

Both teams made strong early pushes, with Deadpool and Manticore both landing their attacks. Manticore wasn't long for the fight, though, as he got taken out by Deadpool. Despite the Phalanx's efforts, the Gamma Bomb went off, disintegrating Tauriel and Silver Sable, severely hurting Elektra, and leaving Bruce Wayne with a hefty repair bill! The bomb's detonation was enough to rally the Thunderbolts, who left Wayne Manor with a win.

Crime Syndicate vs. A-Force

After an intense first half, the ladies of A-Force and the evil-doers of Crime Syndicate continued their match this week.

After getting blasted by elemental forces, Ultraman returned the favor, using his super speed to smack Crystal around. Even though he lost his strength, the other members of the Syndicate were able to step in, making a strong appearance. Power Ring (temporarily) overcame his cowardice to take out Medusa, but Volthoom's curse ultimately sucked the life out of Jordan. Power levels at 0%, idiot.

In the end, Moondragon proved herself to be one of the strongest members of A-Force, with 4 KOs to her name, and the deciding factor in A-Force's victory against the Syndicate. Will she continue to channel the Mind Gem's raw power? Can the Syndicate overcome their loss?

Legion of Doom vs. Justice League of America

After reviewing last week's issue, I should have noted that Sinestro's attack on Catwoman was successful. I say that because, well, things happened this week.

If you get nothing else from this match-up, learn this: Lex Luthor and Sinestro are not men to be trifled with. Lex's brainpower and Sinestro's complete control over Fear might give the Legion the upper hand against the Justice League. Catwoman's already been taken down, so who's next?

Heroes for Hire vs. Legion of Superheroes

The fight for Metropolis has been raging on! Supergirl showed off her raw power by slamming Falcon with a generator for 7 damage. SEVEN damage, folks. Cat returned the favor by kung-fu'ing Lightning Lad, knocking him out of the battle. In terms of points, the H4H edge out the LOSH by just 5 points, but there are still a few days left. Watch this space for the sure-to-be exciting conclusion!

New Guardians vs. The Avengers

The struggle between the Guardians and the 1970s era Avengers ended this week. How did Kyle and his cohorts fare? You might say they got bugged out. After struggling with a turn of crit misses and failed breakaways, Glomulus got sliced and diced by The Swordsman. Kyle got swarmed by ants! Even though Bleez was able to get a Quake off and squash two of the ant swarms, it just wasn't enough. I guess the lesson is, beware the Ant-Avengers? Possibly?

New Warriors vs. Fantastic Four

What an exciting match! I'm a sucker for huge amounts of damage, so it's no surprise that I was rooting for Power Man and Thing to smack some baddies around. (Don't worry, they delivered.) Despite Earth-616 Sue Storm's impressive 18 defense and Defend, and some late-game heroics from Cage, the New Warriors were just too much for both sets of Fantastics to handle.

Justice League vs. Guardians of the Galaxy

Talk about a wipe-out. Henry Cavill and Kal-El continued to clean up house this past week, taking out both sets of Rocket Racoons and Star-Lords. I could be wrong, but I don't remember a double Superman smackdown in the Guardians of the Galaxy movie script. In the end, it was Drax the Destroyer against the Kryptonian army. You can probably guess who won...Anyways, well fought on both sides. There's a reason Superman is the Man of Steel.

Batman Family vs. Black Order

The Batman came. The Batman saw. The Batman conquered. Oh, and his buddies helped, too. The Order just couldn't deal with the awesomeness that Batman is. What else do you need to know?

You could talk about the match, or -

NEXT!

Nation X vs. Masters of Evil

This match picked up pace this past week. Dreadknight (or is it Hawkeye? Hrm!) was an early casualty, despite denting Colossus's armor. The Masters were rather quickly overrun, getting smacked around by Cyclops and Colossus (who was not happy about getting tickled by Dread's lance). Hopefully, Taskmaster will be able to whip the Masters into shape for the next match!