Oh, no. I didn't mean I was conceding yet. And you're right - I thought Rupert had a range of 8, when it's actually a 6. My mistake.

Yeah, I'd still like to slug it out some more. Your move, Moleman.

Man, you guys write the best play by posts. I'm having a blast reading this one. Laughed out loud several times.

Hey, thanks, man. It's easy when you're writing with someone as literate as WoF. Verily, from forth his pen doth spring poetry as unto the Muses...

Or something.

Yeah, from mine pen springeth forth something, all right. Big, steaming chunks of something.

---
Ben Grimm, with a deep growl of frustration, began to stride towards the big green beast that had just mauled Johnny Storm.

"MEEEEEEP!" screeched the tiny moloid by his feet, lunging and grabbing onto his ankles, being effortlessly dragged for a few paces. Ben looked down in a mixture of irritation, frustration, and amusement.

"And whadda ya think yer doin', ya little mook? C'mon, clear off Uncle Benjy. It sounds like there's clobberins transpirin' over there."

He reached down and lightly swatted, knocking the tiny creature aside, and began striding away again ... only to fall flat with an earth-rumbling thump. He glanced down furiously to see the moloid had managed to wrap a length of cord around his ankles. The little thing giggled.

The Torch, dazed, his flame sputtering, tried to roar away into the night sky, only to be caught by the scruff of the neck by the green finned beast, who yanked him back down to Earth.

Meanwhile, Rupert, laughing maniacally, gestured with his power staff towards the ruckus by the tower. He looked up expectantly at the orange ogre, which sat on its haunches staring over the pond.

"Over there, my monster. Go and cause havoc."

The creature blinked slowly.

"Hey, imbecile. Get over there. Make with the mayhem."

The ogre picked its capacious nose.

Rupert whacked it across the shoulders with his staff, and it slowly roused itself, grumbling, and stomped off to the west.

The Mole Man sighed. "Go with him, Blb." The loyal moloid tilted its head questioningly, but Mole Man gestured again impatiently, and it loped off.

Mog, the oldest and wisest moloid, eyeballed the heroes arrayed before him, and then, with a firm nod of decision and a prayer to the tiny, blind moloid god, swung his length of stick with all his tiny might against Sue Storm. The stick shattered easily across her forcefield, and she raised an eyebrow at the creature.

"Brm vrg merek terp frlug la bsk.", the elder moloid grunted, roughly translating to, "If that had hit you, it would have knocked you backwards."

---

V Moloid attacks R Invisible Girl, looking for that critical hit. He rolls a 4,4 instead. Impressive, but not good enough.

R Ulik lumbers to H6.

E Moloid #1 hippity-hops to G7.

Sauron and Abomination clear. Rupert blasts a nearby water fountain to further his quest of ruining the park for every surface dweller.

---

Rupert - E12
E Moloid #1 - @ G7
E Moloid #2 - K8
Sauron - F13 [6 clicks]
R Moloid - KO
R Ulik - H6 @ [2 clicks]
V Abomination - I4 [2 clicks]
E Diablo - KO
V Moloid - K5 @ [2 clicks]

"Awright - I was takin' it easy on ya before, buddy. But now... Aw, no, I still can't do it. C'mere, you." The Thing reaches out to pat the s####py little creature on the head. Being made of animate, semi-intelligent funal matter doesn't protect one very well from even the tenderest of touches from a 6 foot tall rocky superhero that can benchpress Mack trucks. Ben Grimm's gentle pat crumples the diminuitive Moloid to the ground.

"What? Hey, c'mon - get up! Geez Low-eez! Sue, I barely touched it! You saw!"

"Ben, not now! I've got my own admirer here," snapped Sue Storm.

"Allow me, Susan," said Medusa, striking out at the little creture with her powerful tresses. The Moloid was quicker than he looked, however, and dodged between her legs. Not thinking, Medusa's own hair tripped her up, landing her rudely and very un-royally on her bottom.

"Heh," chuckled Johnny Storm, grinning despite his pain. "That alone makes it all worth it."

Sue Storm sighed. "I hate these things!" she yelled, and with her forcefield knocked the capering beastie away from them.


-----
Medusa will attack V Moloid - 8 AV vs. 11 DV, needs a 3. Rolls critical miss. *sigh* 1 click to Medusa, and that darn V Moloid is still around. That guy's in the running for MVP...

Thing will Push to attack E Moloid #2 - 9 AV vs. 13 DV, needs a 4. Rolls an 11. Oh, bitter irony! 4 clicks to the poor little guy, who's gone. One click to the The Thing.

IG will attack V Moloid, just for grins - and holy cow, double 3s! Only one point of damage, but she knocks him back to L6! Into the tender mercies of Ben Grimm, a few turns from now.

Yes, I'm taking out my frustrations on the little guys. Don't judge me!

The Torch merely cringes and weeps silently.

Invisible Girl - J4 @
Thing - K7 @@ (2 clicks)
Human Torch - I5 (6 clicks - ouch)
Mr. Fantastic - KO
She-Hulk - KO
Medusa - J5 (2 clicks)

Okay, let's kick this up its final notch ...

V Abomination attacks R Invisible Girl, 9 AV on 18 DV, needing 9 or better ... and Holy Mother of Jell-O, he rolls an 11. That's 4 damage to dear ol' Sue, taking her to her last click.

R Ulik pushes and attacks V Human Torch, 9 AV on 12 DV, needing 3 or better ... and he just BARELY makes it with a 1,2 for a 3. That's a squintillion damage to the Torch, killing him off and giving a click back to Sue, Medusa and Benjy. One more click to the Orangeman.

U Sauron taxis LE Rupert to I8, dropping Rupert in J7.

The Superb Moloid Twins clear.

---
Rupert glanced down at the flickering light display on his staff. Another light wavered and blinked out. Rupert gritted his teeth in irritation. "This expedition is rather hard on my moloids," he muttered, "but it was worth it to test how well my experiments to their cerebral physiology have gone. Getting Val-Or to help me tinker with their neurochemistry was a true boon."

From behind the tower, Blb burbled. "Vrgn eksped sptoo flp, sahib." which roughly translated in the infant M'lood tongue to "That's a lot of exposition for one sentence, boss."

"Zip it, Blb." Rupert rapped curtly, gesturing for the heaving, exhausted saurian to take up his own not-inconsiderable bulk, hauling him up to the top of the ranger tower overlooking the pond. The Mole Man adjusted his power staff and looked down over the battered remainder of the Fantastic Four, chuckling to himself. He made a sharp hissing noise and a chopping gesture at the hulking green-finned beast below.

The thing snarled deep in its chest and hauled back its fist, slamming it into Sue's forcefield, again and again, over and over and over, harder and harder until she screamed long and loud as aural feedback built up so high inside the forcefield that she was driven to her knees, her shield flickering and fading. The green monstrosity roared triumphantly.

"Now YOU!" sang the Mole Man, delighting in this rarest of triumphs, conducting his monsters like an impresario, gesturing with his staff as the orange ogre snatched the dazed Human Torch by the ankles and swung him against the building, dropping him unconscious to the grass.

Mog, the eldest moloid, made a crude gesture at the ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing.

---

Rupert - J7
E Moloid #1 - G7
E Moloid #2 - KO
Sauron - I8 @ [6 clicks]
R Moloid - KO
R Ulik - H6 @@ [3 clicks]
V Abomination - I4 @ [2 clicks]
E Diablo - KO
V Moloid - K5 [3 clicks]

Final notch, indeed.

Medusa will Push to attack Moleman, now within her range. If she hits, he can use MM, but Sauron can only take one click, leaving one for Rupert. 8 AV vs, 17 DV, needs a 9. Rolls, alas, a 5.

IG and Thing clear.

Invisible Girl - J4 (3 clicks)
Thing - K7 (1 click)
Human Torch - KO
Mr. Fantastic - KO
She-Hulk - KO
Medusa - J5 @@ (2 clicks)

Actually, I think that even if it was KC Superman attacking Rupert from range for 7 damage, he could still funnel it all to Sauron, with his last pitiful lil' click. The rules say you pass all the damage you'd normally take from the attack, and don't mention anything about stopping just because the target will die.

But, at any rate, LE Rupert will attack E Thing, 11 AV on 17 DV, needing 6 or better to hit ... and hits a boxcar and a half for 9, good enough for 3 damage - 2 for Invulnerability for 1 net click.

And, now that Benjy's back down to Toughness, that means if the V Moloid rolls a critical hit, he can actually do 1 damage. If he rolls a critical miss, he'll DIE. It's the greatest thrill of a moloid's life ... let's see what the gods think. V Moloid attacks E Thing, 4 AV on 16 DV, needing a critical to hit and damage ... wow, and the exact same 4,4 he got last time he rolled for a critical.

"Alunyz mrrejet rrlets!", roughly translating to, "Isn't that ironic?"

Abomination, Sauron and Ulik clear. E Moloid #1 gets psyched.

---

Rupert - @ J7
E Moloid #1 - G7
E Moloid #2 - KO
Sauron - I8 [6 clicks]
R Moloid - KO
R Ulik - H6 [3 clicks]
V Abomination - I4 [2 clicks]
E Diablo - KO
V Moloid - K5 @ [3 clicks]

The Thing grunted as the energy bolt from Rupert glanced off his toug hide. "Yowch! Dang it, Moley! That smarts!" Scowling, Ben Grimm leaned around the corner of the tower, and spied the hulking orange bruiser who had recently extinguished the Human Torch.

Looking down at the mouldy creature that had caused him so much grief, he frowned. "Look - you gonna let me go and pound that guy around the corner for what he did to Johnny?"

"Zelfs aangezien wij zowel gelijk zijn, teowey in een onmenselijke," responded the Moloid, sagely.*

Ben Grimm sighed. "Yeah, what you said."

* "Even as we are both monsters in an uncaring, human world, we are still not allies." - trans. from the Moloid [ed.]
-----

Thing rolls to Breakaway, and gets a 3.

Medusa clears.

Invisible Girl - J4 (3 clicks)
Thing - K7 @ (2 clicks)
Human Torch - KO
Mr. Fantastic - KO
She-Hulk - KO
Medusa - J5 (2 clicks)

Man, that V Moloid is going into the Hall of Moloid Heroes, which currently consists of a giant gold statue of Rupert, a framed, autographed poster of Val-Or, and a charcoal sketch of Gng the moloid janitor.

---

Rupert cackled madly. "That's right, Grimm! And that sting is just the beginning! Soon I will RULE THE WORLD!"

Blb spoke up from below the tower. "Ek la rzelejin ka wej stobo et Finsekz Frrr, ka rrlebn zijn, sahib?"

Rupert scowled. "What do you mean? Of COURSE I'll rule the world if I can conquer the Fantastic Four. Haven't you paid any attention to the schemes of Dr. Doom or Annihilus or any of the other foes of this family over the years, Blb? Every good plan for world domination begins with the defeat of the Fantastic Four. It's practically canon!"

Blb burbled quietly, "Quanz, sahib."

"Don't you take that tone with ME, you little ... ARGH!" Roaring in frustration, his blood pressure building, Rupert unleashed a flurry of blasts from his power staff, lighting the night in Kirby Park.

The green beast and orange ogre scattered for cover, hooting and snarling.

Mog the moloid sighed.

---

LE Rupert pushes and triple-shots Medusa, Invisible Girl, and Thing with Incapacitate, 11 AV on a 14, 14, and 16 DV respectively. He rolls a 4,6 for a 10. This gives a token to Sue and Medusa and pushes Ben for a click. One click to Rupert.

V Abomination Leap/Climbs to K8.

R Ulik stomps to I4.

Sauron grabs Rupert and flies to Q7, dropping Rupert in P7.

---

Rupert - @@ P7 [1 click]
E Moloid #1 - G7
E Moloid #2 - KO
Sauron - Q7 @ [6 clicks]
R Moloid - KO
R Ulik - I4 @ [3 clicks]
V Abomination - K8 @ [2 clicks]
E Diablo - KO
V Moloid - L6 [3 clicks]

Ben Grimm morosely watches the Moleman's minions plod into position next to his compatriots. "OK, ladies - shall we go down fightin'?"

Sue Storm looks over at him sadly. "Ben, I... I'm not sure."

"The Queen of the Inhumans will not submit!" cried Medusa, and in a fury battered at the hulking orange monstrosity next to her. The creature bellowed in annoyance, and moving fast enough to bely the appearance of his bulk, he snatched a lock of her hair in his massive paw, and swung her to the ground, hard.

The Thing eyes the scaly green brute next to him, and saw the Moleman's winged pet drop the goblinoid would-be conqueror off in front of him. Feeling a gentle tapping on his rocky thigh, Ben looked down at Mog, destined to be elevated to superstar status in the heady world of Moloid celebrity.

"Soms kan u voor het verliezen niet gligg't, nerg?" said the creature in what sounded like a conciliatory tone.

"Yeah - yer right, pal. Sometime's you can't win fer losin'. What a revoltin' development."
-----
Medusa will Push to Flurry vs. Ulik - 8 AV vs. 14 DV for attack 1 - rolls a Critical Miss. OK, never mind the second attack... If both of those had hit, it would have done two clicks to Ulik, dropping him out of CCE. Oh, well. Two clicks to Medusa, then.

You know, that's Red's second critical miss of the game. We have both had some spectacularly, wildly varying luck with these dice.

If IG hadn't gotten that token, she could have erected a barrier to protect Ben from Rupert, but as it is she'll clear...

The Thing also, naturally, clears.

Things boded ill for the Fantastic Four. With half their number knocked clear out of the battle, and the rest weary and battered, the Mole Man's monsters closed in with gape-mouthed excitement. Rupert clutched his staff tightly, chortling with glee, his breathing heavy at the thought of actually getting the better of the Fantastic Four ... and not even under the ground! Right out in the park, where everyone could see! He could be on the front page of The Daily Bugle tomorrow, with one foot on the Thing's head! He could parlay the notoriety from this victory into a real job, perhaps ... a lecturing tour might be in order, and then after the honorariums and free hotel stays he wouldn't have to live in that cave which was frankly getting a BIT tiresome after so many years, and he wouldn't have to be landlord to the blasted Infinity Watch and unclog the toilets every single time Drax used them, maybe he could watch some television ... reception was simply abysmal two miles down, and he really wanted to see if Sheriff Lobo was still on the air ...

There was a low thrum in the air as his hulking monsters cornered the three remaining Fantastics against the shore of the pond. He paid it no heed.

There was a rush of warm air and trees bent down. He continued his non-paying of heed.

There was a low *click* and a wash of halcyon spotlights from above turned the park into day. He didn't so much pay heed as he did fall to the ground screaming and covering his eyes.

An Avengers™-brand quinjet hovered over Kirby Park, and the belly doors gaped open as the World's Mightiest Heroes (version 24.2) came bounding, flying, and dropping neatly out.

The orange ogre was quickly pinioned by bands of solid light and a held aloft in a bubble created by Quasar and Sersi, respectively. The saurian squealed and tried to fly away only to be caught around the ankles with a loop tossed by the shadowy Black Panther and subsequently brought to earth by the bombastic Beast (touring with the Avengers for a laugh and to drum up publicity for his new book, <i>I've Been on More Super-Teams than You Can Shake a Super-Stick At</i>). The moloids scattered, cursing the fates vigorously in epic M'olood, only to be rounded up by the lightning blur of Quicksilver and held captive in mystic bonds created by his sister Wanda.

The green-finned monster, one of Rupert's proudest creations, roared as it leapt mightily into the air, landing with a resounding crash in the center of the clearing, tensing its huge muscles and daring the Avengers to face it.

There was a rush of air, and a flying shield caught it under the chin, knocking it silly.

"Quiet down there, friend. Children play in this park."

The monster toppled slowly backwards, only to be caught by the mighty Hercules, who hefted it over one shoulder along with the other monsters and began carrying them into the Quinjet for transport to the Vault.

Rupert hid in the shadows and cursed his luck. The Avengers. Why did these bloody heroes always insist on teaming up? Now he was going to have to go to that ####able super-prison ... or an asylum ... or worse yet, go in for a "heart-to-heart" talk with Captain America, and be called "son" a lot. He HATED that.

Fortunately, just as Captain America opened his mouth to give the order to comb the foliage for the Mole Man, Diablo chose that moment to stagger back into consciousness and stand on the shoreline, hands on hips, slightly soggy but laughing hysterically. The Avengers, and the Fantastic Four who were tending to their wounded, all paused and stared.

"FOOLS! Did you think you could capture the world's greatest ALCHEMIST? This is but the BEGINNING! Soon I will return ... and WREAK MORE HAVOC THAN EVER! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Laughing, he plucked a purple bulb from his belt and smashed it on the ground. Purple smoke billowed up in a towering cloud, from which echoed Diablo's laughter.

Then Hercules and the Thing glanced at each other and clapped their hands simultaneously, creating a blast of air and pressure that blew the cloud into tatters, revealing Diablo sneaking away on tiptoe, still laughing. He stopped in his tracks.

"You ... you are not allowed to do that, are you?"

"Tell ya what, chumley. Whyn't I tell ya about the rules?" chuckled Ben Grimm, cracking his rocky knuckles with a terrifying grinding sound. Diablo gulped.

Meanwhile, far down the tunnel, Rupert plodded as quickly as his stumpy legs would carry him. Mog the moloid knuckled along beside him.

"Thank you for your assitance, Mog."

"Gnip nil."

"No, no, truly. You are my proudest creation! The finest result I could have hoped for from my neurological tinkering."

"Awg, shux."

If the moloid had possessed blood, it would have blushed.

"But how did you escape the mystic bonds created by that accursed Scarlet Witch?"

Mog waved a hand dismissively.

"Ei zifjin mll mrrvix ka strunga."*

The Mole Man chuckled, long and loud, as the two escaped deep into the earth.

*Translation: She's really a better mutant than she is a mage.

Well, we've decided to call that game. We hope you've enjoyed this second installment of Hobbs and Wheel of Fish present: Marvel Theme Theatre. And we hope you'll join us for part III, featuring an army of Thugs vs. a bunch of rookie SHIELD Agents!

- Wheel

Aw, I'm just glad little Mog lived to fight another day.

For our next game, I'll be playing the baddies, while WoF will be championing the cause of righteousness.

Tune in next week, to hear Joey say to Knuckles: "I love youse guys."

Bravo! Wheet-wheet! More! I loved Diablo's curtain call. Funny stuff.