"I AM IRON MAAAAAAAAAN!"

The classic song by Black Sabbath has a somewhat cheerful ring to it, and it's easy to get excited about a song which showcases one of the greatest Marvel heroes of all time, Iron Man.

Upon closer review though, it's easy to notice that perhaps Ozzy Osborne wasn't Iron Man's great supporter as much as he may have been his greatest detractor. Spider-Man has The Daily Bugle operating as the vehicle of his own villification, and if these lyrics are to be believed, Iron Man has rock and roll as his.

Rewview these lyrics if you are not familiar with them:

Has he lost his mind? Can he see or is he blind?
Can he walk at all? Or if he moves will he fall?
Is he live or dead? I see thoughts within his head.
We'll just pass him there. Why should we even care?

He was turned to steel in the great magnetic field
When he traveled time for the future of mankind.
Nobody wants him, he just stares at the world.
Planning his vengeance that he will soon unfurl.

Now the time is here for Iron Man to spread fear.
Vengeance from the grave kills the people he once saved
Nobody wants him, they just turn their heads.
Nobody helps him now he has his revenge.

Heavy boots of lead fills his victims full of dread.
Running as fast as they can Iron Man lives again.

I'd like to look at this song line by line and compare it to our current perceptions of Tony Stark and see how accurately Ozzy portrayed this hero.

"Has he lost his mind? Can he see or is he blind?"

These are fair questions in my opinion. He's currently dressed in a metal suit. If I did that, people might in fact ask "Has he lost his mind?" Secondly, you might not be able to see through the metal mask. He might not be able to see.

"Can he walk at all? Or if he moves will he fall?"

I almost sense a little bitterness in this statement. I liken it to something along the lines of "Do you even know how to read?" It's such a basic action that you would assume you don't have to question a persons ability to do it. This is about as snippy as Ozzy gets.

"Is he live or dead? I see thoughts within his head."

Well Ozzy, if you can see the thoughts in his head (Mind reader!) then you can pretty safely assume he's alive.

"We'll just pass him there. Why should we even care?"

Well, you cared enough to write a song about him.

Now I don't mean to be an alarmist, but Ozzy may just be a little jealous of Iron Man. It sounds like he's in high school. "Yeah, who even cares about Iron Man? Come on guys, let's get high in my garage!" Oh Ozzy, will you ever learn?

"He was turned to steel in the great magnetic field
When he traveled time for the future of mankind."

This sounds more like Terminator than Iron Man. Then again, Ozzy did a lot of drugs, so it's not unreasonable for him to mix up his metal men.

"Nobody wants him, he just stares at the world."

This is a pretty broad statement. How does Ozzy know that no one cares about him? Tony stark needs lovin' too, mama.

"Planning his vengeance that he will soon unfurl."

This is a pretty serious accusation! "Iron Man Menace?" comes immediately to mind. Considering this song was made 20 years ago, I can only assume that either Ozzy stopped Iron Man from blowing up the world in honorable combat or that he was lying about the whole thing to make people hate Iron Man. Probably the latter.

"Now the time is here for Iron Man to spread fear.
Vengeance from the grave kills the people he once saved"

Run Pepper Pots! Get the #### out of there! Iron Man is drunk again!

"Nobody wants him, they just turn their heads.
Nobody helps him now he has his revenge."

I'm confused. Iron Man's revenge is that nobody helps him? That's insane.

"Heavy boots of lead fills his victims full of dread."

Well sure, if he's stomping a mud hole in you, then boots filled with lead are pretty scary. Otherwise, I'm not too worried about getting chased down by the idiot with lead in his shoes. How does that even happen? Did Ozzy and his high school buddies hold him down and pour lead in his boots? Did they give him a wedgie after?

"Running as fast as they can Iron Man lives again."

This gives me the hilarious image of Iron Man running like a kid in the special olympics asking strangers for a hug. When the people flee in fear, he shouts "Iron Man lives again!"

Was Ozzy right? Is Iron Man a hero or a villain? That's for you to decide.

Thank you, Mr. Jerk, for bringing that little bit of sunshine to my day.

Was that song really about Iron Man. I thought it was about robots in general.

I don't think it's about our Iron Man.
In fact it has a sort of sci-fi feel to it. I really doubt it has anything to do with comics.

Here's the story.

A man makes a time travel into the future of the world. He sees
the apocalypse. When he comes back he tries to warn the world but
nobody takes care of him. So he gets mad and has revenge on mankind.
In the end it becomes clear that he is the reason for the apocalypse.
"Ozzy came up with the title 'Iron Man' and I wrote it about this
guy who's blasted off into space and he sees the future of the world, which
isn't very good. Then he goes through a magnetic storm on the way back and
is turned to iron. He's trying to warn everyone about the future of the
world, but he can't speak, so everyone is taking the mickey out of him all
the time, and he just doesn't care in the end." - Geezer
The Iron Man's destruction of the people who ignore and mock him unwittingly
fulfills his own vision.

The lyrics are "Has he thoughts within his head?", not I see thoughts within his head.

ya, its not about Marvels Iron Man, but it would be cool to hear it in the movie, when ever they make it.

Man, you're the type of guy who goes the to the top of a Toys R Us and turns the "R" the right way, aren't you?

No, but I love Black Sabbath. They are one of the best bands to ever touch the Earth. I take them very seriously.

Of course Iron Man is about the Marvel character. The whole Paranoid album is about Marvel heroes. Consider:

War Pigs is an ode to the Kingpin and his followers.
Paranoid is about the mental state of J Jonah Jameson, driven insane by his belief that the whole super-powered world was out to get him.
Planet Caravan is the tale of Galactus survivors looking for a new place to live.
Electric Funeral is a retelling of the Armor Wars saga
Hand of Doom is a song about Marvel's greatet villain, Dr Hand
Rat Salad is about... well, ok, I have no idea what Rat Salad is about.
Faeries with Boots On is obviously about the Goblin Queen. Ya gotta believe me.

Some would have you believe that this is not true, siting the album's 1971 release date as pretty compelling evidence. Some say that Ozzy was not singing about Marvel characters, but that Marvel was swiping storylines from Black Sabbath songs. I prefer to think of Ozzy as a prescient genius.

Good job, Melvin, for highlighting this fascinating and enduring comic book conspiracy.

Announcer: And now Ladies and Germs, it's time for the Melvin and Deadshot Comedy Hour!

(Song plays to the studio audience) Dah nuh nuh nuh Dah nuh nuh nuh Dah nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh! Yeah!

Melvin: Hello folks and once again, welcome back to the Melvin and Deadshot comedy hour! I am of course your host Melvin, and now let's give a warm welcome to my co-host, a high school graduate!

(Audience is silent)

Melvin: Deadshot!

(Deadshot stumbles his way through the curtain, tripping and slamming his knee into the stage on his way out. A stage hand tries to help him, and Deadshot waves him off.)

Deadshot: Get off me! Get the hell off me! I have a contract!

Melvin (in harsh whisper under his breath): Get up you fool, we're live!

Deadshot (rubbing his knee gingerly and breathing heavily): Tsssss...Ahh!

Melvin (smiling at the camera): Ha ha! Isn't he great, folks!

Deadshot (Limping over to Melvin): Ha...ha...I meant to...do that...ahh...

Melvin: What the hell is the matter with you? It's bad enough you don't show up to rehearsal, but would it kill you to walk five feet without breaking your own neck?

Deadshot: It was an accident. I really hurt my knee.

Melvin: You know what? #### your knee! We’re trying to make a show here and I am not getting cancelled because…

(Melvin and Deadshot become actively aware of the audience who are by this point staring with their jaws dropped open. Melvin stares in shock at the audience, turns back to Deadshot who looks ready to cry, and then back to the audience.)

Melvin (With a big smile): …And that was our first bit, folks! I hope you all enjoyed it at home as much as we did here in the studio!

Deadshot: It was?

Melvin (Elbowing Deadshot in the arm): Shut…up!

Deadshot: Ow!

Melvin: Folks, part of what we like to do around here is a bit of the old joke telling. I tell you, there’s nothing more me and Deadshot like more than a good joke, isn’t that right Deadshot?

Deadshot: Well, I like the Olive Garden…

Melvin: All right, here we go! Say Deadshot, what's the difference between a law firm and a circus?

Deadshot: Are you…are you serious?

Melvin (Still smiling at the camera, a hint of worry behind his eyes): …Please don’t screw this up for me.

Deadshot: Is this some kind of social commentary that I’m missing? Who can’t tell the difference between a law firm and a circus? It’s just…there are lawyers at one and clowns at another. I don’t see why you would have to even ask that in the first place.

(30 seconds pass as Melvin keeps smiling like an idiot while Deadshot stands around awkwardly.)

Deadshot: You know, if you like I could just…

Melvin (Gripping Deadshot by the throat): You son of a #####! All you had to say was “I don’t know, what?” But you couldn’t, could you? Now I’m going to get… get cancelled and it’ll be back to porn fluffing! I’m not going back, you hear me? I’m not going ba…

Announcer: We’ll be right back with more hilarious hijinx after a message from our sponsors!

Great now I have water up my nose.
That was really funny(playing in Omaha teaches you to laugh at yourself). Sorry to put a dampener on the thread.

*claps excitedly* More!

Rat salad could be about the fact that up until that point Vermin was the only villian that spiderman had never defested.

-R

Dude, Ozzy is. This song comes nowhere close to Tony Stark. Let it go. Though if the IM movie gets made, I'm sure it will be on the soundtrack.