I, Doctor Doom, have returned to this vile country to yet again demonstrate my inherent right to rule you all!!!! I have mastered your pathetic game of plastic figures and random dice rolls! I will conquer each of you—one by one—tournament by tournament—until by doing so I have taken over the world!!!!!

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Doom has come, fools! He has done each of you the undeserved honor of matching wits with you over a Heroclix map! As if any of you—pathetic swine that you are—could ever stand against him!!

But first, I must correct the insulting error Wizkids has made. How dare they make me an REV when that Ultimates imposter is a Unique! There is only one DOOM!!!!!

I use my time platform to jump backwards several years. I will correct this mistake before it ever happens and, by my mother’s soul, the fools at Wizkids will suffer for the crime they will never have committed!!!!

I return to this time, my armor heavily damaged and my mission a failure. How could Richards have known of my plans? But I will not be stopped. Doom is unique in the universe, regardless of what color his dial is!!!!

I will begin in a small venue, building momentum so that I can gain as much control over the gaming world as possible before the accursed Richards can stop me. I enter a shop in Sarasota, FL, buying several boosters.

WHAT’S THIS? THREE HYDROMEN IN A SINGLE PACK!!! CURSE YOU, RICHARDS!! YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SOMEHOW!!!!

I transmit a secret order to my Doombots, scattered about the store disguised as common peasants looking through the back issue bins. Soon, one of the other players “disappears:“ and my collection abruptly grows. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!

I build a team. This “Superman” seems reasonably powerful. Someday I will visit his universe and show him what true power really is—but in the meantime he will be blessed with a spot on my team.

I consider other figures. Elongated Man and Plastic Man are crushed beneath my heel—no figure with that pathetic stretching power will ever serve me. But wait—a Veteran Invisible Woman!!! Yes—the delicious irony of using Richards’ woman to help me conquer the world. I will yet see him on his knees before me!!

My team is ready. I inform the judge that—since I am Doom—I must be awarded the Brilliant Tactician Feat for free. It is my due. The fool dares to argue with me!!!!

After his remains are vacuumed off the floor, the replacement judge rules in my favor. The tournament begins.

WHAT’S THIS? IT’S NOT POSSIBLE!!! THE LAWS OF PROBABLITIES ARE CONSISTENTLY DENIED!!!!!

I roll a 5 whenever I need a 6. I roll a 6 whenever I need a 7. I fail breakaway everytime I attempt it and ON TWO OCCASSIONS roll snake eyes while pushing a character to make an attack.

And the final insult? The store is out of Mountain Dew!!!!

BAH!!! Richards is involved in this somehow! But I will not be beaten. It is only one game and there are still two more to play.

My second opponent is using the Silver Surfer. My mind drifts back to the occasion where I stripped the alien of the Power Cosmic and infused myself with it. Oh, the sweet power!!! The knowledge that the world was mine!!!! Only to have the power taken from me through no fault of my own!! RICHARDS!!!! IT WAS YOU, RICHARDS!!! DO NOT DENY IT!!!!!

I am overwrought. I secretly arrange for a Doombot to replace me for this round while I compose myself in the bathroom. Emotions seethe within me. To think any of these worthless peasants could defeat Doom in an equal contest! It cannot be!! Richards is behind this. He’s behind it all.

I return to the game, only to discover that the foolish Doombot has played the Astral Plane BFC at the wrong moment!!! My team is again defeated!!!!! I rip the Doombot’s head from its shoulders and retake my rightful place at the head of my team.

Now I must wipe out my last opponent in order to gain 1st place. My last opponent is a female. Her hair is raven black—much like the gypsy girls I knew in my youth. Her manner of dress is more revealing, though. She is… attractive in a lower-class way. Perhaps… perhaps if it were not for my facial scars….

NO!!! Doom is above such petty emotions!!! I WILL CRUSH HER!!!!!

Her team consists of multiple Lockjaws and multiple Poison Ivy figures with Armor Piercing. I laugh at her transparent strategy. She will easily fall before me!!!

As I begin play, I wonder: Does the shameless hussy realize her bra strap is exposed on one shoulder? She must—the way she keeps touching it and twisting it and occasionally snapping it lightly and… and…

NO!!!! I AM DOOM!!! I WILL REMAIN FOCUSED!!!!

10 rounds later, I stare with at the map. It cannot be! Doom’s forces were wiped out! What could have gone wrong? How could I have repeatedly forgotten to use my Perplex throughout the entire game? I cannot comprehend this!!!!

Richards is involved somehow! RICHARDS!!!!!!!!!

Enraged, I storm out of the store. With a casual wave of my hand, I order my Doombots to destroy the vile place. The screams of the others players as they meet their well-deserved ends are only slightly soothing.

This is only a minor setback. Doom will still prevail!!!! Doom cannot be defeated!!!!!

I check Ebay to compare prices for a Fortitude Feat Card as I ponder which venue to visit next. Who will be honored with the presence of Doom at the next tournament?

Perhaps it will be you.

Ha ha. That was awesome. Doctor Doom should know that overconfidence has been the downfall of many of his plans for world domination, especially with Richards involved. But I'm sure this is only a minor setback, as usual. Looking forward to the next epic tale of heroclix from the good doctor.

good stuff rock, good stuff

I Grew up in Sarasota - why would DOOM start his world conquest in a sleepy retirement town such as Sarasota......

Thank you for the praise, but I just post it. This is the work of Kalel21 who has been an avid poster of articles as of late. He does great work. Please be sure to give Kalel some good rep if possible.

YOU DARE QUESTION THE WISDOM OF DOOM!!!!! Vile peasent, you have sealed your fate!!!!

We of the DC universe do not fear Doom for Darksied will destroy him with but a single glance....Or maybe DOOM plans to take over the Clowns school


seriously are you in sarasota??

good thing i never got FF Dr. Doom... my fate would have already been sealed...

Actually, yes. I thought it would be fun to have Doom destroy my venue. (It's actually a good, well-run venue, but destroying it was perversely fun anyways.)

So now we know where the REAL Doom is located...Florida !!

That makes the 2000 Presidential election a lot more understandable: Bush and Doom are both 4-letter words. Coincidence? I don't think so...

So is Kang and Gore.

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

BTW, I meant to say obscure, not vague.

Did the girl that beat you look like a squirrel Doom?