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I'd say this one's a bit better than the HL one (at least it's faction pure). Again the Merc contract is a bit of a waste, just use two GS pilots and recruit them rather than use the contract card. I'd also use the Davion FP card over the SS one (though recruit Frohnhoefer into SS, as it's cheaper).
You might want to consider dropping Kumo's pulse as it's bad synergy on a 2 damage attack. I'd add in either a transport or artillery (also drop some of the filler infantry if you need to).
SS Salamander BA- 23
SS Gray Death BAx2- 38
SS Inner Sphere BA- 18
SS Free Legion Company- 11
SS Faction Pride- 20
SS Mercenary Contract- 20
= 600
So, comment if you like.
I have a bias toward combined arms, so keep that in mind. I'm worried about artillery with this army. I also worry that your infantry will be too slow to adequately support Kumo. You might consider dropping Kumo and hooking up some of your infantry with transportation. Saxons make great 1 caps that can also act as basers. Cardinals are good for dropping JJ infantry. Add in a tank drop or at least escort one with some Saxons. Hendrene, a Fulcrum, or a Mars all work well.
Uh, let's see... here's the SS Snakes army I built:
"Chikako" - Xanthos - 211 pts.
>Pilot Card: Gabriel Smith - 46 pts.
SS Paladin Defense System - 82 pts.
SS Arrow IV Artillery Tank x2 - 102 pts.
SS Saxon APC - 23 pts.
SS Inner Sphere Battle Armor - 17 pts.
SS Saxon APC - 23 pts.
SS Gray Death Scout Armor - 19 pts.
SS Mortar Squad x2 - 32 pts.
SS Gun Nest x2 - 22 pts.
SS Special Forces Team x2 - 22 pts.
---------------------------------------------
TOTAL: 600 pts.
The Mortars, Gun Nests, and SFTs screen the artillery pieces, which lay down pogs until my opponent comes up to try and engage them, in which case Chikako lays down the veritable smack. The Saxons and cargo take cheap rear arc shots when they're available, but mostly serve in the harasser/VC3 role. I tried to go facion pure for this event and stay within the spirit of the storyline, since I'm gonna be going hardcore the rest of the month in preparing for Nationals.
SS army without Towed Guass Rifle drop? Also Camoflauge for Chikako is only 3pts if you have the card. It's single use but would up the Defense to 26 against ranged...just an idea. Maybe swap the gun nests? Or I would personally take out one or both Mortar squads.
Those gun nests are great defense for arty. Your opponent will likely either ignore them to their peril, or give them too much respect. In either case, they are pretty effective in large armies. 450 pt builds rarely have space for such niche pieces, but large battles, especially 900 pts or more, are tailored for a few lowly gun nests.